From the author: This article will be useful to those who want to learn how to live the way they want, without destroying everything around them. So a person comes to an appointment - and everything seems to be fine with him, he has everything - a wife, a job, a car, an apartment, a family, “everything is like other people” - but for some reason there is no joy and happiness from this. Longing, depression, I don’t want anything. Only a feeling of guilt gradually develops for being dissatisfied with such a good life. Psychologists usually ask such clients: “Who wants all this? Who needs it?” And then the person unexpectedly finds himself in a stupor - it turns out that he lived all his life, acquired goods, property, children - but all this was needed not by him, but by someone else. For example, mother, wife, society. But he still doesn’t understand what he himself wants... And a similar situation occurs almost equally in both men and women. And the reason for rethinking is often any turning point in life - be it the well-known “midlife crisis” or some kind of restructuring in the family, for example, the birth of children, or their growing up and leaving the family. At this moment he seems to wake up. Something appears that a person notices very acutely one day and can no longer help but think about it in his routine of life. What to do? Realizing that he, in general, has not lived his own life all this time, a person can immediately rush to correct and redo everything. In a way, it was as if he had been waiting for this. Something that has been suppressed for years can break free, and it is unknown what consequences this explosion may have on the surrounding world. At this moment it is important to stop and think a little. An adult can no longer simply take and throw out everything that is not his own from life, as if he were a small child who can get away with anything. Often these are quite serious, global things - family, relationships, connections, a shared space of life and work. Much carries with it obligations to other people with whom you entered into agreements in full health and sober mind. One way or another, you will have to answer for all this. Therefore, in this case, we are not talking about how to destroy the old and create a completely new one, our own, but about how to transform, change, transform life so that it becomes a little more than your own. “Children’s” indignation in the initial stage of therapy is simply necessary in order to move the matter from a dead point of hopelessness, but “adult” responsibility is needed in order to correctly assess the situation and control the consequences for oneself and other people. Here are just a few clues that will allow you to take a more rational approach to self-realization in this case: Even if many things in life were created by you under the pressure of other people and their authorities, something of yours still remains in them. Look at the familiar in a new way. If something was formed together with someone (for example, a marital union or a business partnership) - then this is also partly yours, joint. Each person influences the situation even by the fact of his presence, not to mention how much you have done. Try to find in the general things that you have, something of your own, unique, contributed by you personally - and this will belong to you a little more. Continue to develop this in the direction that is closest to you. Ideas that can fill your life with new colors can come from childhood. Remember your old dreams and interests, when they were not yet pushed into a corner by everything that was layered later. Maybe you dreamed of learning to play the piano or constantly drew, or maybe you were fascinated by space and the stars? Try to bring these activities back into your life at a new level, even in the form of a hobby that will allow you to realize your inner desires and aspirations, as well as simply give pleasure. Find time and pay attention to your state of mind, start putting everything on the shelves gradually - like individual psychotherapy. External transformations will not be able to take effect if old attitudes continue to operate within you..