1. Young men and women are increasingly seeking counseling for psychological help regarding relationships with their adult parents. 2. Who are these young people? They are, as a rule, active, active, successfully implemented in their profession, many have a family, children, but relationships with their parents give them pain or experiences of sadness, hopelessness, irritation, anger, resentment or guilt. 3.What do they come with? What is happening? Young people feel that their parents are lecturing them, constantly advising them or devaluing them, violating boundaries, and not supporting them. 4. How do they feel pain? And they, adult children, are either very irritated, so that an open conflict arises, or they try not to show their irritation, holding back negative feelings, going into psychosomatics. 5. What behavior occurs with this pain? In both cases, young people try to move away from their parents in order to reduce unpleasant experiences and save health and time. 6. What about the parents? How do they feel? What do they handle? Do parents handle these situations? Yes. With what? With the pain of alienation and breakdown of relationships, with worries about the future of their adult children, with the desire to be understood, to restore contact with children, to hear them, and also to become closer emotionally. Do children know about this? Perhaps, but they perceive it differently, see paragraph 3 7. A metaphor for such relationships arises: they stand on different banks, see each other, but there is no contact. There is no bridge, no boat, however, there is hope. It is like a vacuum between parents and such adult children, they do not hear each other. Between the shores there is a sea of ​​feelings and a long distance. 8. Parents’ feelings: powerlessness, hopelessness. Thoughts: “I am a bad mother”, “wasted years”, etc. 9. What to do? - explore attitudes; - explore methods of contact and their modification; - be aware of feelings; - be aware of the unrealized needs that lie behind these feelings; - be aware interrupted actions and restore processes; 10. What is important is the experience directly from a psychologist, and not the conclusion: “when a parent controls you, then he takes care of you.” This phrase in itself is unlikely to change the relationship between close people. You have probably encountered situations where clients say: I understand with my mind, but nothing changes because of this understanding. For changes, new experience, the experience of awareness, which can be gained in working with a psychologist, is important. 11. Such psychological work requires desire, time and patience. This is not one or two meetings. It is important to consider your individual rate of change. Those who want them have results. The Gestalt approach allows you to explore types of contact, its interruption and gain new experience, right in the conditions of working with a psychologist. And then changes in real life can begin to occur. The contact boundary is restored. It is important that there is a connection between the shores, and this is a whole sea of ​​​​feelings. And everyone has the earth under their feet - this is a huge firmament, which can be a support, which is, among other things, the desire to be together. And there is a lot of things that give strength and resource. 12. If you want changes, please contact us, we’ll figure it out together. Previous articles on this topic: How to survive a refusal? Your relationship path. Exercise. Boundaries in life and in psychotherapy. What do we have in common? How do we cope with refusal of help? And what can this tell us? Don’t hesitate to say thank you by clicking on the “thank you” button under the article if you found it interesting or useful, or if something responded. You can sign up for a consultation here: https://www.b17.ru/chebakova/#consultation Tel., WhatsApp +7 952 913 50 49 Email address: [email protected] Skype: E11le12na