One day, one of my clients unexpectedly came to a meeting. And this is what came out of it.- I had a new problem in the person of a young man whom I met recently on social networks. I've been there for a while now, searching. And everything is wrong. And here, finally, is the person with whom I am ready to spend my whole life. But first, you need to go on a date with him. And this is so difficult, because... I’m always shy at first: what if he doesn’t like me. And I will ruin the first impression of myself. And then there will be no second date. And throughout my life, I have always had a fear of evaluation. When I went for an interview, I sat waiting. My whole body was frozen with fear, my tongue was slurred, all my movements and voice seemed lifeless. When I had a difficult conversation with my boss, I was shaken from the inside. I would like to kind of hide like a turtle inside its shell. I was silent when he silently looked at me, maintaining a Moscow Art Theater pause. Me: - Yes, for sure, it is important for us what others think about us. But at the same time, I want to not depend on other people’s opinions. It is important that the opinions of others do not always determine our lives and our actions. This happened to me in my life too. I thought: - In a short time, I will show you at least one way to cope with this. In fact, there are many ways, but this method is the most proven. - Listen. The most effective way that helps me overcome the fear of evaluation in just a few minutes is to start evaluating other people yourself. For example, in an interview situation, you think that you are going not to get a job somewhere, but to in order to hire your employer to serve you, and even get your favorite job with pleasure. To fulfill all your career dreams and get decent pay for yourself. - You come to an interview with the company and evaluate how suitable it is for you place? What office? Is it beautiful there or not? Oh, this company, how good is it for me? How do people work in this company? How well does the person sitting opposite you do their job? How professional is he or she? - In the case of a conversation with a manager: Do you evaluate: How good is the manager himself, what does he look like externally? How are you dressed? What can you say about him as a person? Can you imagine: what is he like in everyday life? With your wife? Mistress? Work colleagues? How can he treat his subordinates? Will you think in what context of assessment you will evaluate him? And when you look at it this way, the very fear of evaluation will dissolve. “And how did you cope with a new unfamiliar situation, for example at an interview?” And she asked, looking into her eyes: “Svetlana, can something be done about this? Is there any way to get rid of this fear? - Yes. How does this happen? Firstly, you are distracted from your thoughts about what they will think of you. You have already switched to another state, and it does not capture you, but you seem to relax. Secondly, you find yourself in a situation of control, because It is important for many people to control everything in their lives, or at least to be in the illusion of control. In this case, you evaluate the situation, which means you have acquired power over it, because it is impossible to evaluate without controlling the situation. That is, in this way you become the master of the situation, since you have the opportunity to evaluate it. For a person, the need for control is the satisfaction of the need for autonomy. An autonomous person is a person who is able to manage his own actions. By the way, the exercise that I gave earlier should be done unnoticed, since you will not do it out loud, all this is your mental reasoning that occurs inside you. For example, in the case of a new man. You're sitting on a date in a cafe with your new admirer and thinking: I wonder what he's like in everyday life? Does he throw his socks around the apartment, just like your ex-man did? And how does he behave in bed? Hmm, this might be too much