Relationships with your partner are tense? Have you had problems that are worth talking about? But every conversation leads you to increased confrontation and causes another scandal? Most likely, you use the wrong messages when trying to convey information that is important to you to your partner. These are the so-called “You messages”. They can have completely different forms, but their essence will boil down to one thing: accusations and criticism. “You said that you wouldn’t do this again, but you yourself...” “You’re not trying to understand me.” “Why are you yelling at me?” You don't care about me" These and other similar phrases cause your partner with whom you are trying to talk only to want to defend themselves and attack in response. To prevent this from happening, the conversation must be built on the basis of "I-messages", i.e. talk only about your feelings, thoughts and views. The technology is like this: “When you..., I feel…” “I don’t like it when...” “I don’t like it when...” “I feel like confused when..." I will give examples of specific phrases: "I feel uncomfortable when we talk in a raised voice" "When you shout, I feel that our conversation is taking a bad direction" "I feel depressed when you are silent" And then you form the desired behavior of your partner with the phrase: “I would like... How do you feel about this?” For example: “I feel depressed when you are silent. I would like us to immediately discuss the problems that arise between us. How do you are you looking at this?” You don’t set conditions, but let your partner think with you. Think about making your communication more comfortable. If communication doesn’t work out, aggression or resentment arises, then most likely you or your partner have returned to the usual mutual accusations (You-messages): “You’re not like that” “You can’t hear me” When you observe such phrases in your communication, it is better to pause, calm down and talk later: “I see that we cannot continue the conversation in a positive way now, let’s take a break and return to this conversation in 30 minutes?” Or: “I Now I’m very worried and can’t continue the conversation, I need half an hour to calm down. This is very important for me.”Remember: The skill of I-messages needs to be constantly rehearsed, out loud and mentally, with and without a partner. Try not to ignore your partner, don’t be silent. Better a bad conversation than avoiding a problem. Talking can at least help you change something or convey your thoughts to someone you care about.