When my son was ten years old and he got a phone, every time he stayed with friends, he called me and “reported” where he was so that I wouldn’t worry. I knew that such behavior is typical of children of primary school age, and when he becomes a teenager, he may well consider it inappropriate to report his whereabouts to his mother. Now he is fifteen - and he reports where he is every time. Because from the first call I thanked him for remembering that my mother might worry. At that time, I intuitively used positive reinforcement. All of us living in society experience and use positive and negative reinforcements ourselves. It’s just that in our vocabulary this method is called “carrot and stick”. Several years ago, I read an article in which psychologists recommend that primary school teachers not use red paste when checking notebooks to correct mistakes. They strongly advise doing just the opposite, using green paste, highlighting those letters that the student did best! Thus, a positive result was consolidated, and this pushed the baby to be more diligent. That article made a strong impression on me! I again saw myself as a first-grader, drawing out sticks and hooks in my first copybook. It was magic - I wrote it myself! It seemed to me that I had such beautiful sticks, just a sight for sore eyes! I was waiting for the teacher to praise me and show my notebook to the whole class! But every time my notebook was returned with the teacher’s corrections. Bright red ink underlined or crossed out what I had diligently written. It also happened that you opened a notebook, and everything just “bloomed” there. At such moments, I personally felt like a dumbass... You won’t believe it, but I started taking care of myself and avoiding insults directed at myself not so long ago. “I’m stupid...” was one of my “favorite” expressions in relation to myself for making a mistake. I don’t remember all the unpleasant moments that influenced my life and gave rise to a bunch of complexes in me. But I lived with such a burden for many years. I'm lucky! I “accidentally” met a competent psychologist whom I could trust. He pulled out, bit by bit, everything that I had attached to myself, and that I should have gotten rid of long ago. After several years of working on myself, I realized that personally, in ninety percent of cases, it is gingerbread that has a good effect on me! Positive reinforcement is important to me. It happens that you give up and you don’t want anything, but when you see that they trust you, that they believe in you, it’s like you put on a Hulk costume and become a hero both for yourself and for those around you. Why did I write this? Yes! First of all, to speak out! But, if this article makes someone reconsider their behavior with loved ones, and choose a different language of communication, which will not be based on nagging, shouting and blackmail, but on positive communication, demonstrating love and faith in a loved one - I will be very happy! The article was co-authored with Vasilina Erashova.