Imagine a house whose owner always kept the doors wide open. Anyone could walk into it, trample with dirty feet, steal something, or even live there for a while. No permission was required for this. And suddenly the owner decides that since the house belongs to him, he will live there alone, and slams the door. Will people immediately forget about this house with “all doors wide open”? Hardly. Out of habit they will come again and again. Someone will turn around and leave. Someone will bang on the door, outraged by the unexpected obstacle. Someone will press the owner for pity - “Well, friend, be a man - I have nowhere else to live.” There will probably be those who politely ask permission to come in. What will it be like for the owner? Sometimes it’s scary, sometimes he will feel guilty, and sometimes unusually lonely. What will he do about it? He will put a stronger lock against uninvited guests, and remind himself that this is HIS house. If he gets bored, he will call a friend or, if he wants, he will allow someone who politely asks to visit him to enter. Restoring the boundaries of our inner world is an equally difficult task. Therefore, do not despair if the first steps are difficult for you. You should start with the foundation - awareness of who I am. What is it for? First, before separating “I” from “not I”, it is necessary to understand what “I” is, what my personal boundaries surround. Secondly, by realizing our Self, we take control of it and regain responsibility for who we are. And this is the primary step towards change. Our personal space includes many components. Firstly, this is our physical self and its boundaries. What's included in it? These are our physiological needs, our bodily sensations, our physical comfort zone. What do I need right now? What sensations do I enjoy, and which ones would I like to avoid? What do I look like, how would I like to look? People with unclear personal boundaries often experience certain difficulties in their relationship with food, even to the point of food addiction. Try to become more aware of this issue. Whether you want to eat now or not, how much is enough for you, what you would like to eat and what you would like to give up. We know best what our body needs. Eat when you're hungry. Rest if you feel tired. Do physical exercise if you feel energy in your body that requires fulfillment. Awareness of your body and its needs is an important component of the harmony of sexual relationships. Be sensitive to your feelings and sensations. Be aware of your desires at the moment, feel what you like, what you don’t, and where the boundaries of what is acceptable for you in intimate relationships are. Also determine the boundaries of your personal physical space. This could be your apartment, room, desktop, your personal belongings. Another important component of our Self is our emotions and feelings. Very often, parents prohibit their child from expressing their anger and suffering. We are taught to suppress feelings such as anger and resentment. They convince us that in fact we feel something completely different, and teach us to rely on other people’s opinions in this matter. Awareness of true feelings is an urgent need for our personality. Just as physical sensations (painful or, conversely, pleasant) give us information about what is happening in our body, emotions let us know what is happening in our soul. Without access to our emotions, we cannot know that something is affecting us destructively. And how will we know that something is truly good for us if we don’t feel joy when we come into contact with it? It pays to “be on guard” regularly. Try to understand how we feel in a given situation, communicating with different people, doing one thing or another. Keep a journal of feelings. Write down there regularly the feelings that arose during the day. When did you experience it, where, with whom, how did they put it. What feelings do you have difficulty expressing? For people who are not used toBeing aware of your emotions can be very difficult at first. In this case, you can turn to your bodily sensations. This could be muscle tension, discomfort in the stomach, headache, etc. Try to observe in response to what influences such sensations arise. Think about what feelings might be behind this. Our feelings most often signal to us that personal boundaries have been violated. Observe what situations drive you into despair, what causes inexplicable panic, what offends or causes anger. Another important component of our Self is beliefs and values. This is how we relate to various aspects of our lives, what we consider important, what we rely on when making decisions. Attitudes distorted by outside invasion are destructive for us. Take, for example, the belief that “taking care of yourself is selfish.” Such an attitude can be brought into our consciousness by someone ELSE. Most likely, this other person is convinced that “everyone should take care of my needs first.” And disappointment, if this need is not met, is HIS responsibility. However, our attitudes are our area of ​​responsibility. And by accepting it, we can change them. Relieve ourselves of responsibility for what we cannot control (the behavior and feelings of other people), and take into our own hands what we can control (our feelings, our beliefs, our behavior). And finally, another important component of our inner world - our desires. We will never be able to fulfill our dreams if we do not recognize them. Remember what you dreamed of, what you forbid yourself to want, what you like to do, but you cannot afford. A great way to master your desires is to think about who and why you envy. Envy is a signal from within that we really want something that we consider unattainable. We don’t even try to reach for it, but we get angry at someone who already has it. To transform envy into the energy of action, you need to tell yourself “I want!”. By becoming aware of ourselves, we also gradually understand that there is “not I.” This is what we DO NOT want, what we DO NOT feel, what we DO NOT agree with and what we DO NOT want. Understanding this, we can finally separate ourselves from the outside world. However, awareness alone is not enough to set personal boundaries. The next step is to label them. Express your emotions, talk to other people about how you feel. By doing this, you give people information about what is happening to you as you interact with them. Communicate your values, positions and thoughts on various issues. Speak up if you disagree with something. Let others know what you really want. Directly expressing our desires gives the other person freedom of choice. Expressing your true feelings, thoughts, intentions allows people to build relationships with your real Self. Being yourself is a prerequisite for creating sincere relationships based on mutual respect. Set limits. Tell people directly that they have violated your boundaries. Stop insults and judgments that devalue you. Politely refuse intrusive concern (“Thank you, I can handle it myself”) or unsolicited advice. Define zones of your space - where you will not allow anyone to interfere, and what part of this space is accessible and for which people. If you are uncomfortable when someone enters your door without knocking or takes your personal belongings without asking, voice it. The same applies to psychological space. For example, if you can share certain information about your personal life with a friend, but you consider asking questions “about the personal” of a curious colleague unacceptable - let him know about it. Learning to say “no” is one of the most difficult tasks for a person with unclear personal boundaries. If it’s difficult for you, you can first take a short time-out - “I’ll think about it,” “I’ll answer you tomorrow, etc.”, which will give you time to collect your thoughts. The most important step towards change is to stop blaming your