Human life begins with comparison. The baby is a couple of minutes old, and he has already been weighed, measured, and Apgar scores calculated. All this is in order to compare with the standards of physical and mental development. And now he is already 6 months old and his mother looks at him and looks at the baby of her friend who came to visit him. And then she realizes that her friend’s baby is sitting on his own, and her son doesn’t even think about sitting down. The neurologist also writes incomprehensible diagnoses and gives directions for massage. And most often the mother is left alone with her worries that her child is not like that and she is doing something wrong. In my practice, other stories have happened: a mother shares her experiences and fears with her loved ones, but in response they brush her off: “in our family, everyone starts talking after 5,” “in our family, no one can draw, where will the child draw from?” “...You can endlessly tell stories about missed opportunities. Have you already guessed what we'll be talking about? Yes! These are parental comparisons and how they affect our lives. And in general, is it possible to do something if you are 40 years old and want to get creative (a friend knitted such a cool vest for herself during a course), but you hear the voice of your mother and grandmother: “Well, you’re not a needlewoman! The main thing is to get an A in mathematics!” Let’s look at how the child’s psyche reacts to parental grades and whether they are needed at all. When our parents compare us, we can choose several accommodation options. The first is to believe those close to us that we will not succeed in this matter, we are not up to it, we have no talent for it. And every time we have a need to get closer to what has been criticized, our psyche will protect us. There are several defense mechanisms in psychology. One of them is called introjection and is most often inherited from our parents. In preschool childhood, the child does not criticize the words of his parents and believes everything. And a picture is built in his head about who he is, what kind of person he is, and what talents and abilities he has. Or doesn't have it. Whether a grown-up child believes in himself or not depends on many factors. The second way of living is to go against the grain. For example, the child’s mother affectionately says: “Fool, you’re mine,” “Let’s go, poor student, to dinner.” The child (whether ordinary or gifted in intellectual development) learns that he is not very smart. And in order to be loved and cared for, one must be the way his mother sees him. And he has a neurotic desire to be the first, an excellent student, etc. And it will be difficult for him to stop: he will study, study and study. He will prove that he is smart, handsome, hardworking. There is another option when parents, for some reason, say: “You are my pride!”, “You are the smartest!”, “You are the most beautiful!” But the child grows up and when he comes to school he realizes that he is not the smartest and not the most beautiful. And today he is definitely not the pride of his parents, since the teacher covered the diary with red ink with comments for shouting in class (after all, he is the smartest). Here the student encounters disappointment in himself and distrust of his parents. And then one of the strategies described above will be chosen. Is comparison always bad? No! As I already wrote above, by comparing, the mother can notice that something is wrong with the child and contact specialists in time. And if the mother does not blame herself, does not rush into panic, i.e. If her energy is spent on “doing something,” then there will definitely be development. Both mother and child. It certainly won't be easy. But growing and developing is not always easy and fun. How would we learn if we didn’t compare our skills and knowledge with others? As we go through a certain stage of development, we focus on ideals that are important to us. For a preschooler, this is dad or mom, brother or sister. For a teenager, most often it is some kind of marginality. For an adult, this could be a spiritual person or a master in business. And our guidelines change every time. The main thing is that they are within reach, and that we do something to achieve the desired height. If you sit and.