In the article on how to save a family, we focused on the statement that our negative feelings towards each other create a huge obstacle to intimacy in all senses and constructive solutions to emerging problems. But where do these most negative feelings of anger, fear, guilt, etc. arise in us? There is such a thing as pride. In Christianity, pride is designated as one of the seven human sins. If atheists, psychologists and especially doctors do not like this term, use other words, for example, egocentrism. The essence of the phenomenon does not change. We are talking about this way of thinking when I put myself at the center of the world, and I judge everything that happens “from my own bell tower,” according to my “only correct” idea of ​​the world. In addition to my own value system, satisfaction of my own needs and interests is also prioritized, often at the expense of ignoring the needs of others. When I am angry with someone, this speaks of my pride (egocentrism). This means that I see the words and actions of another as wrong, I condemn him for this and begin to take retaliatory actions to force him to say and do what I consider necessary. There is such a professional “Socratic” joke. A woman comes to a family psychologist, conducting a consultation in her office at home, who complains about her husband’s behavior. “Yes, you’re right,” the psychotherapist comments on her statements. At this time, the psychotherapist’s wife brings tea and hears these words. The next day, the woman’s husband came and also began to make claims against her. “You are absolutely right,” his wife again hears the words of the psychotherapist. After the session, his wife approaches the psychotherapist and is indignant: “How can you tell both your wife and husband that they are right, because they said absolutely opposite things?” “And you’re right, my dear,” she heard in response. The principle that everyone is right in a family underlies a constructive solution to conflict. Otherwise, I am saying that the opinion of each family member is important. The thing is that not everyone can treat him with respect. In psychotherapeutic groups there is one of the working conditions: everyone’s experience is valuable. If we return to the situation with the dirty dishes, then instead of exploring how the husband sees this situation and stating her own attitude towards it (note, statements, not accusations), the wife, taking a self-centered position of the ultimate truth, unleashes a barrage of indignation on him . At the same time, the husband can behave as he pleases: he can continue to lie on the sofa and say nothing, he can begin to defend himself and make excuses, or he can carry out a retaliatory attack. It doesn't matter anymore. The position of the wife's own rightness does not give both of them the choice of a constructive solution to the problem. It just doesn't! What to do with pride (egocentrism) when it interferes with relationships with loved ones? Nothing special. Although, as practice shows, for many this is very difficult, and for some it is even impossible. It’s just that every time I get angry at someone, I need to ask myself: - What trait of my character is causing these feelings in me now? - Why, in fact, don’t I give him the right to do this? - What will happen if I express my dissatisfaction as usual now? - What can I do differently now? Maybe after this you can agree on who, at what time and how often will wash the dishes?))