Almost each of us once thought that we would like to turn to a psychologist for help. Someone himself felt such a need and began to look for a specialist based on recommendations and reviews; with my results, I also wanted to try to solve a long-delayed problem. Choosing a psychologist is an important stage on which a lot will depend, both fortunately and in some cases, unfortunately. The professionalism and ethical views of the psychologist determine the mental state of the client, sometimes his future, sometimes an entire stage of his life. How to choose your psychologist? The choice is now huge, and professionals, as in any other field, must be sought and chosen very responsibly. To begin with You can ask yourself a question and answer it honestly: why am I looking for a psychologist? It would seem that the answer lies on the surface, but you need to be extremely honest with yourself and give yourself time to answer. The reasons may be different: 1) You really want to solve a specific problem, deal with a specific situation, feeling, emotion, understand yourself better, realize something 2) You are looking for outside support from a stranger who will tell you for your money for an hour what you want to hear, accept you absolutely as you are, without judging, understanding everything, smiling at you, listening to you - you want to make a friend for an hour. Perhaps rudely, but honestly - I call this emotional prostitution, and here the responsibility for the most part lies with the psychologist, although the responsibility of the client is also undoubtedly present. By buying a “friend” for an hour, the client, unfortunately, not only does not solve his problem, but also aggravates the situation, often becoming dependent on the consultant, beginning to expect more and more attention, time, understanding from him, falling into the illusion of being needed, exclusivity for the consultant. Thus, a person asserts himself at the expense of a specialist, although it is difficult to call such a psychologist a specialist, and such a psychologist also asserts himself morally or financially at the expense of the client. But, unfortunately, having left the office into real life, to real people, whose friendship, recognition and love cannot be bought at the price of a consultation or other price, a person falls even deeper into the hole, he wastes his resources and dependence on a psychologist weakens him as a person . In especially advanced cases, the client’s crown grows and he begins to think that the psychologist is also interested in him as a person, and not as a client, that he is also bored, dreams, waiting for consultations, which distinguishes him as the most interesting and significant client. Here you need to honestly answer yourself what you want to get from consultations. To make it easier, I will draw two analogies: one for women, the other more for men, although it is also suitable for women. First: imagine that you will perceive an appointment with a gynecologist the same way. That is, that in the gynecologist’s office, during an examination, something similar to sex happens to you with him (penetration for diagnostic purposes), you are undressed, he touches you. How healthy is it to go to your gynecologist regularly and consider yourself to have a close relationship? That you are an exceptional client for him? What does he dream about you, wait for you, secretly think about you? Wild? It’s exactly the same situation with a psychologist. Second: is it possible to regularly order the same priestess of love and pay for her time according to the tariff to consider that you have a relationship and love? That she loves you, waits for you, misses you, that you are special to her? Creepy? It’s very similar with a psychologist if you treat him this way. A person starving for approval, attention and recognition can cleave to anyone who smiles at him - a hairdresser, a courier, a manicurist. Only these illusions, unfortunately, will not allow him to grow personally, mature and solve those problems for which the idea of ​​finding a specialist arose. 3) You are looking for a mentor to whom you can shift responsibility for your life. In this case, unfortunately, either you end up withto a non-professional and the result may be disastrous, or your consultations with a psychologist will not satisfy you, since a professional psychologist will not become a mentor and will not take responsibility for your life. This, by the way, refers to the well-known principle that a psychologist does not give advice. A professional psychologist helps the client understand himself, find the answer in himself and only one that is individually suitable for this client, with his unique life experience, attitudes, feelings, with his character and temperament. He will ask questions, offer exercises, opportunities for the client to open up, for his understanding of himself, for his acceptance of himself. A psychologist is an impartial guide. He cannot give advice, because he will proceed from his picture of the world and his unique experience, which has nothing to do with the client’s experience. He cannot become a mentor because he has a different task and because he understands that he is not God, and he will never take responsibility for the life of another person separate from him, killing his personality in him. And a person will die if she shifts responsibility for herself to someone else, she will become a puppet. But it’s really scary to be a puppet in the hands of a non-professional. Ask yourself: for what purpose does a psychologist want to become a mentor, give me advice, become my support? Does he want to assert himself at my expense, solve his personal problems, does he want to feel omnipotent at my expense? Sometimes it happens that a person is very confused, he does not know where to go, what to do, what to do. And then the mentor can only give him the necessary and short impulse, respecting his individuality and uniqueness, respecting himself as a specialist. Teachers, to some extent and at some periods of life, can be considered mentors; they share their experience, teach knowledge that we do not have. A mentor can teach you to know who you are, to accept yourself, to understand yourself, carefully, delicately, without introducing your own: your beliefs, attitudes. He gives a fishing rod so that a person can catch a fish, and does not feed him fish every day for a reasonable fee. Ask yourself a question and try to answer it honestly: do I want to get an impulse, a fishing rod? Or a crutch and feeding at the expense of another, a manipulator - to call a spade a spade? Why is it so important to understand your own goal when looking for a psychologist? It's simple. What you are looking for is what you will find. If you are looking for an easy path to illusions, then you will definitely meet a manipulator who is ready to feed them. If you want to develop as a person, grow up, live your unique life, gain your life experience, then you will meet a professional who can really help you with this. Unfortunately, there are a huge number of both professional and non-professional pest psychologists and each of them also has their own goals: some have the goal of helping people, some have material enrichment due to the client’s addiction, some have self-affirmation at the expense of the client, the need to be adored, omnipotent, wise. We are all human and each have our own strengths and weaknesses. But at work, a psychologist is a professional who follows ethical principles. And if he doesn’t succeed, then he can turn to his psychologist, taking a break from his work, and solve his problem before returning to counseling again. I’ll tell you a little about my vision of therapy, goals and priorities. If they turn out to be close to you, then perhaps you have found your specialist. First of all, what is important to me is that each person is an individual who has his own unique personal path, his own potential, his own history and his own purpose. I believe in each of my clients. And for me it is important to help him reveal this potential, his individuality, to help a person find his own colors to paint his story. Carefully help a person to grow, to open up like a beautiful flower, to blossom. I am not a supporter of long-term therapy, in this I am not.