From the author: It’s amazing how often during family counseling both spouses continue to prove to the psychologist which of them is more right in a quarrel and who is more to blame (partner, of course) and how rarely I hear: I want to hear from a loved one !Where does this desire to prove one’s rightness and make one’s partner guilty come from? What can be achieved this way? Is there an alternative? From practice: A wonderful couple, both about 35. They have a child. There is a lot of pain in the eyes of a beautiful woman and the eyes of a man, full of emptiness and fatigue. They vying with each other to say that they have been together for 13 years, they used to be in love, now everything is bad... They come together, then they separate... They don’t talk for weeks. And so at the consultation, they interrupt each other and prove to me and each other who is more to blame.... And they can’t!!!! Who is more to blame???? Each claim causes a barrage of claims from the other side.... And endlessly. I ask you to distract yourself a little and tell the good things about each other, all the best things about your partner, why he is valuable, what he was like before..... What you wanted build together..... Both he and she are thoughtfully silent....... Try to identify for you the most important and valuable thing in your partner. Your values ​​in life.... Why are your relationships important to you and how did you want to develop them? What are you grateful for to your partner? What would you like to ask him for? After a series of questions they change before our eyes: the look warms up, the thorns disappear and in front of me there really is a couple of loving people..... And it’s as if the most terrible enemies came at the beginning. Claims and attacks do not solve problems! They only make it worse! What is the goal? We all want respect, love and acceptance! Especially in the family. If you don’t know how to do this yet, try it. When you want to make a complaint, ask yourself the question: “What would I say (say) if I love this person and want him all the best? Perhaps there will be less warmth and love in your family to blame more)! You can first learn to formulate a speech on paper in order to sincerely check whether the way I address a person is respectful? Is there acceptance of his position and a desire to understand? If I speak each of my texts, checking through these questions, then most likely? the quality of your interaction, even from this small exercise, will increase significantly. I invite you to the “Love Activator” channel - practices of getting into love, warm communication - https://t.me/aktivatorlubvi I invite you to the master class “Facing yourself: the path from PAIN to LOVE” : https://liliyalevitskaya.ru/reg