From the author: “How to resolve conflicts in the family and begin to understand each other” read the link: You may be familiar with the concept of a life scenario. When communicating with different people, we behave differently, i.e. We use different response models. We have our own scenarios of communication and, of course, behavior in a conflict situation. Family communication is no exception. Let's consider scenarios of conflicts in the family. Any scenario is a plot that has a denouement, i.e. in the end there will be a result. As a rule, we get the same result over a long period of time. Nothing changes, conflicts continue. For what? What result do we want to get, what do we get? I would highlight 3 main scenarios and behavior in the conflict: 1. Our scenario is called "Bleeding". Everyday life and routine drag on. The couple is looking for variety, a kind of extreme, to diversify their life. Shake yourself up, experience a new taste. Very similar to bloodletting. Afterwards you feel a surge of strength and new energy. There is nothing bad in this conflict, it is even useful. Allows you to look at life differently. There is an opportunity to speak out and hear the other half. Because under the pressure of light emotions we say what we really think. The main thing is not to get carried away and not go into real hostilities. This conflict is easy to control, because there is no full involvement, there is light bloodletting. The conflict goes beyond the light as soon as those in conflict get personal, accuse, insult, remember relatives, etc. 2. Let's call this scenario “Competitors”. In this case, everyone has their own point of view, of course, it is correct. Both partners stand their ground, no one tries to hear the other, everyone knows that he is right. These are two bulls on one bridge. Finding a compromise in this conflict is not important. The main goal here is to win. The result of these victories is constantly deteriorating relationships, alienation and lack of understanding. Parents lose this scenario with their grown-up children. When a child enters adolescence, he feels like an adult, he has his own outlook on life. Parents, wise with experience, know what certain actions can lead to and try to protect their children from possible dangers. The effect is often the opposite. The “competitors” scenario will sooner or later lead to people starting to live their own lives. They do not seek help and support from the family. What for? Here they are still not understood and not accepted. Most often, such a marriage breaks up or is of a formal nature. And children move away and look for authority on the side. If you want to change the situation, change the script. Start playing “cooperation”. 3. The last, third scenario, from my point of view, is the most dangerous. "The Tyrant and the Victim." This is a relationship in which fear comes first for one of the parties. Uncontrollable outbursts of emotions on the part of the tyrant. The victim tries not to object, to smooth out the rough edges, but the result is still the same. There is violence involved (physical, psychological or both). Of course, we are not talking about love. Love and fear are incompatible things. It is in these relationships that jealousy is present in its most sophisticated manifestations. A tyrant is an owner, a victim is a thing for him, maybe a favorite thing, but a thing. There is only one way to change the scenario, stop being a victim. If love is present, a lot will change. If not, then think: “Why are you living with this person?” In general, there is much that is necessary and useful in the conflict. But in order for it to be constructive, under no circumstances should you get personal. Express your attitude to behavior, situations, talk about how you feel. Call your feelings by their proper names. As soon as accusations are brought into play, the dialogue will end. Think for yourself, if you are attacked, what do you do? You defend yourself. Your partner is no exception. If one of the partners takes a defensive position, the constructiveness of the conflict ends. “How to resolve conflicts in the family and=146