Dozens of books on how to become good parents are sold in stores. Most of them are completely useless. At least for those who buy them. And those who would find them useful are unlikely to be interested in books on psychology. If you want to become a good parent for your child, you will definitely become one, even if you make a hundred mistakes. There would be love, attention and sincerity! Without these qualities, no theory of upbringing will bring the desired results. The English pediatrician and psychoanalyst D. Winnicott said that a good mother should be responsive and sensitive, sensitive to the needs of the child and ready to respond to them. By about 1.5 months the child and his “main adult” (most often the mother) develops their own language of communication: the mother understands how the baby behaves when he wants to eat or sleep, the baby understands what signal needs to be given so that the mother begins to communicate with him, and does not go for a clean diaper . At the very beginning, the signals are crying, but with different intonations. And the baby tries his best to make his mother understand him! Children of parents speaking different languages ​​cry with different vocalizations for mom and dad, literally “in their language”! An inattentive mother will not notice the baby’s signals and will not be able to understand them. An anxious mother will focus not on her own feelings, but on external sources and will not be able to establish emotional contact with the baby. A mother, immersed in her own problems, will experience irritation from the constant cries of the child, not understanding that this is the language of their communication, and not will master it. A mother who wants to become “the one” for her child does not need mountains of books, but self-confidence and the support of loved ones, which is necessary in order to relax and be able to devote herself to a new role. The most important thing for both the child and for a parent - to listen and respond to each other with warmth and attention (to each other, and not to instructions from a book). Although I still recommend one book. Only it stands on the “Fiction” shelf. This is Fredrik Backman's novel "Anxious People" about how difficult and painful it is to be a parent, and how if you love your child, you will still be the best for him. Through fatigue and tears, through misunderstandings and conflicts, but you will definitely be there. I recommend it to everyone! Quotes from the book “Anxious People” ***— I saw a pediatrician on TV who said that the previous generation of parents came to him with the question: “My child is peeing, what’s wrong with him?” Parents of a new generation come to the same doctor with the question: “Our child is peeing, what’s wrong with us?” You, the new generation, take the blame upon yourself. - We make the same mistakes as you. Just different versions of them.***You know what's the worst thing about being a parent? You are always judged at your worst. You can do everything right, but all it takes is one misfire, and you will forever remain that father in the park who was looking at the phone when the child was hit in the forehead by a swing. We don’t take our eyes off them all day long, but as soon as we get distracted by a message on our phone, all the best things instantly become worthless. People don’t go to a psychotherapist to discuss how they didn’t get hit on the forehead by a swing as a child. Parents are judged by their mistakes.***Children dream of growing up, becoming adults and deciding everything themselves, and when they grow up, they understand that this is the worst thing about adulthood. You have to weigh and make decisions all the time: which party to vote for, which wallpaper to choose, which sexual orientation and which yogurt best reflects your personality. You choose someone all the time, and someone chooses you, every second.