From the author: In this note I want to talk about two illusions on which love addiction rests: the illusion of ideality and the illusion of the uniqueness of the beloved for life. Let's talk about this! In the end I will be harsh and uncompromising. I recently described the difference between love and addiction. You can find about this in the article “Between Love and Neurosis.” Therefore, now I will not reveal to me the essence of the concept of “addiction” or “neurosis”. This is written in the article. In this note I want to talk about two illusions on which love addiction rests: the illusion of ideality and the illusion of the only one for life. Let's talk about this! In the end I will be harsh and uncompromising. So: the illusion of ideality. A woman in love believes that her lover is perfect. During the period of falling in love, she seems to go blind. She doesn't see all his shortcomings. Doesn't notice that he gets drunk every weekend. That he is inclined to take out his bad mood on her. That he promises more than he delivers. That he is late more often than he is on time. That he cannot be relied upon. And that he's just an irresponsible loser. Etc. For all these shortcomings and shortcomings in her head there is a “reasonable” excuse such as “He was unlucky with transport” or “His boss is a bastard and does not allow him to be promoted” or “His cat died, so he got drunk” or “Every weekend Something happens to him, so we don’t see each other,” etc. Or, at best, the woman sees his shortcomings, but they seem like cute little things to her. Not significant little things, and not an obstacle to the relationship. And it happens that a woman firmly believes that with her he will change, become better, and improve. At the moment of falling in love, we get drunk and cannot adequately assess the situation. Paired with the illusion of ideality, the illusion of the uniqueness of the beloved for life is included. I can’t say which illusion is primary. Most often the first. But not always. In the case of the second illusion, the woman believes that this particular man is the only person with whom she will be happy. With no one else in the whole wide world will she have such a wonderful relationship as with him. And she will not be able to love anyone else as much as he does. And no one will understand it better than him. And no one will look at her the same way he does. And with no one next to her she will not feel as good as with him. One can wonder where such blind faith comes from: either childhood traumas are making themselves felt, or the relationship with the parents was not good enough, or the hormones are going crazy. Option “Or maybe it’s fate!” - just an attempt to remain in a childish position and not grow up. As long as a woman believes in all these illusions, she remains hooked on love addiction and becomes more and more anxious and unhappy every day. And peace of mind becomes an impossible dream for her. Freeing herself from love addiction is not so easy. After all, these illusions need to be destroyed. And they will be followed by disappointment, anger, pain and emptiness. These are exactly the feelings that a woman cannot bear to face. It was from them that she ran away into dependence. It was the mental pain and emptiness that she tried to plug with her loved ones. Or hoped he would fill it in. But you should deal with these feelings with a specialist. I can't imagine anyone being able to do this on their own. But you can try to deal with illusions yourself. If you are addicted to love, then I sympathize with you! The first thing you can do on your own is try to get rid of illusions. Compare your assumptions with reality. How many cats does he have to die to get drunk every weekend? Why are you lucky with transport, but chronically he is not? Ask if the bosses at previous places of work also prevented him from advancing in his career like this one? On what grounds do you consider him the best option for you? Are you so ugly and stupid that you can’t find anything better? Or is your self-esteem so bad? Then you should get treatment! Or maybe you still believe in predestination and don’t want to take responsibility for!"