How did I help my client? A young girl, Elvira, came to me, she’s 17 years old and has a difficult situation. A year ago, Elvira's parents divorced. Dad moved to Moscow and took a highly paid position there. He invites Elvira to move to Moscow and enter the capital’s university. However, Elvira's mother is categorically against this and tells Elvira that if she accepts her father's proposal, she will betray her by doing so. One of the popular manipulations is that Elvira will leave her mother all alone, that her mother will miss her very much and that if Elvira leaves, her mother will begin to have health problems (due to heart problems). That is, the mother inspires her daughter that if she chooses to study in Moscow, she will lose her mother. Elvira is completely confused, she really wants to live and study in Moscow, but her mother is very dear to her. My comment: of course, Elvira’s mother manipulates feelings of fear and guilt. For a child of 17 years old, this is a very psychologically difficult situation, which carries with it a very strong reckoning for one’s choice with unpredictable consequences. How we structured our work with Elvira: 1. We determined with her that her desire to study and live in Moscow is sincere and is not being done to spite her mother, but for future prospects.2. I suggested that Elvira stop getting irritated and avoid talking about moving when her mother started it and instead start saying words that would convey safety to her mother. For example: Mom, I will call you every day via video, come for the holidays and invite you to visit me. Elvira, as a child, found it difficult to take on the role of a “comforter” for her mother, but in the current situation she had to grow up and be as an adult for her mother (in the child-parent-adult model)3. We did a constellation using the “Internal Dialogue with a Parent” technique, where Elvira revealed a huge feeling of anger towards her mother for being too protective. During the consultation, Elvira was able to express all her complaints about her mother’s image for the suffocating care that constantly kept Elvira feeling guilty before her mother. What result did Elvira get: 1. She began to thank her mother for any manifestation of concern for her. She had not done this before, and the mother, who did not receive reinforcement in her actions, did not control their volume and literally smothered her only daughter with her care and attention. Parents often, instead of taking care of themselves, justifying their actions by caring for the child, destroy “their own I am a child. Elvira noticed that after the words of gratitude, the mother began to calm down.2. For every conversation started about moving, Elvira, instead of starting to quarrel with her mother because of misunderstanding on her part, began to immerse her in a state of security (as I wrote above). By the way, Elvira noticed that by saying these words she herself began to feel felt calmer and the feeling of guilt began to decrease.3. Elvira invited her mother to go to Moscow together, having coordinated the trip with her father. They arrived exactly when dad was on a business trip, so they had no contact with mom.4. Result - Elvira successfully passed the exams, entered a Moscow university and moved to Moscow. They constantly keep in touch with their mother, the mother occasionally plays the role of the victim, saying that she is very bored and Elvira, knowing how to react to this, quickly puts her mother in order. Like if you were interested in this story Write a comment if you have an opinion and thoughts regarding Elvira’s case. And sign up for a consultation if you need help. (C) Psychologist Konstantin Ivanov P.S. The case is described with the client's permission. To maintain confidentiality, the name and some details have been changed..