Request. My parents raised me strictly. I try to live for others, for myself - last of all. I love my son very much, but I cannot show love to him. He believes that I constantly control and criticize him. It doesn’t work out with men either, my first husband convinced me that no one else needed me but him, and in the end he left for someone else, my second husband was a gambler and lost all my money. My friends say with one voice: love yourself, but you can’t do that! How to learn to love yourself? As children, we depend on the love of our parents. When we grow up, our parents begin to “live” inside us and give praise or criticism, permissions or prohibitions. How self-love is born Why do some people know how to love themselves, take care of themselves, enjoy their successes, even small ones, while others constantly criticize and harass yourself with excessive demands? Because some have a loving and caring “parent” inside them, while others have a forever dissatisfied one. During childhood, a child's ability to love himself directly depends on how much love his parents give him. Parents can be strict, but very loving. Or maybe everyone is permissive, but indifferent. Praise, affection, respect for his personality and tactile contact are very important for a child. At the age of 5-7 years, the love of a parent of the opposite sex comes to the fore, because a future woman is formed in a girl, and a future man is formed in a boy. When we grow up, our dependence on the love (or dislike) of our parents does not end; our parents “live” inside us and continue to praise and approve or criticize and prohibit. Dear readers, add me as a friend on VKontakte, my page address is https://vk.com /id31609292 All the demands that we place on ourselves are the demands of our parents. Criticism and evil remarks like “you won’t succeed”, “you don’t deserve it”, “well, where are you going” - also from them. Approvals and permissions “allow yourself this”, “you are great”, “you will definitely do this” are also the voices of our parents. If the parents were too indulgent and conniving, their voices will sound like this: “Well, why do you need this, get some rest,” “Why strain yourself, it’s not bad anyway,” “You need to live for yourself,” etc. Well, if you were too strict and punished often, this can lead to the fact that an adult begins to punish himself. For the slightest “offense” he experiences a huge sense of guilt and subconsciously seeks redemption. Is it possible to change something? If a person does not work on himself, he will love himself exactly as much as his parents loved him in childhood. And not a bit more. But if he wants, he can learn to truly love himself. Everything begins with self-love - health, success, well-being. Love for a man, happy relationship. True love for a child. Not control, not dependence, but namely love. Laws of love. Law No. 1. If you love yourself, you will not allow your body to get sick, you will treat it very carefully. You will eat healthy and wholesome food. You will not smoke or abuse alcohol. Alcohol and smoking are a self-destruction program; it turns on when a person is dissatisfied with himself, wants to run away from himself, “punish” himself. As for overeating, this is also due to lack of self-love. If a person does not love himself, he is afraid of many things. Overeating helps to drown out fear when a person chews all the time - he calms down, this is how our body works. Excess weight, which inevitably accumulates, is a protection from the outside world. Under kilograms of excess weight often hides a small, fragile “girl” who is afraid of everything. A person who does not know how to love himself accumulates negativity in himself - resentment, anger, fears, which cause various diseases. Law No. 2. If you love yourself, you will build relationships with men who love you no less than you love yourself. As much as you love yourself, your man will love you as much. There will never be gamblers, gigolos, womanizers or alcoholics near you. You will not let a man into your life who does not respect you, a despot, a liar, an absolute egoist. Yoursself-love will attract a loving and caring man to you. Law No. 3. If you love yourself, then your child will be able to receive enough love from you. You can give him both affection and respect for his individuality. Your requirements for your child will be reasonable and understandable to him. Your love for your son or daughter will not be overshadowed by excessive control, painful attachment, or overprotection. You will teach your child to love himself and others. Parents who do not know how to love themselves often do not know how to express love for their children. They are cold and reserved, stingy with praise and affection, and are always dissatisfied with their children. Unfortunately, a parent cannot give more love to his children than he gives to himself. Law No. 4. If you love yourself, you will allow yourself to realize yourself at work, doing what you love. A person who loves himself believes in himself. Believes that he is smart, competent, talented, and capable of learning a lot. Therefore, he gives himself the opportunity to realize himself in what he loves and achieves a decent income. He doesn’t give up at the slightest failure, but moves on until he reaches his goal. A job you hate, a tiny salary, a lack of self-confidence - all these are signs of self-dislike. It turns out that self-love covers all areas of life! Here are the basic rules and exercises that will help you love yourself. Lessons of self-love. Clear the space of your inner world from resentment, fears, anger, envy. Love will come if your soul is pure. Negative emotions are forces opposite to love; they cannot coexist together. If there is a deep-seated resentment in your soul against at least one person (especially a close one), it will “fight” with love. It is especially important to forgive your parents if they did not give you something. Understand that they simply could not give you more love than their own parents loved and more than they love themselves. Most likely, they also did not receive enough love in childhood. You have the opportunity to break this vicious circle - learn to love yourself and teach your children to do the same. Take care of your “inner child.” This technique will allow you to change those childhood feelings that do not suit you. She will take you to the origins of love. It has been proven that our memory does not store information unchanged. The more time has passed since some past event, the more fantasies, distortions, new meanings, etc. are mixed in. This property of memory can help us a lot. Turn on calm music, close your eyes, relax and imagine yourself as a 5-7 year old child. Ask him what he is missing, what he feels, what he is offended by, what he dreams about. Mentally give him everything he wants, even in excess. Pay special attention to the love and affection from your parents. If it was not enough, imagine how mom (dad) holds you on their lap, circles you in the air, strokes you, kisses you, says they love you, praises you. Take as much love as you need. Repeat this exercise several times until what you imagined is embedded in your memory. You will feel it. Take care of your body. Your self-love concerns both your soul and your body. What does your body want? Maybe dance, swim, play sports? Maybe eat differently? Take care of your health and beauty! Take care of your image. Allow yourself a new hairstyle, a new wardrobe, expensive lingerie. Everything is for yourself, your beloved! If you love yourself, you will not “hide” yourself in a worn sweater and old jeans. You will want to decorate yourself, make yourself even better, use all your capabilities! Allow yourself to have fun and do what you love. Train yourself to give yourself some pleasure every day. If you want to dance, dance, if you want to draw, draw! Don’t listen to your old habits that tell you: “Stop doing nonsense, check your son’s lessons again!” Write a “list of pleasures” (20-40 items) and complete at least one item every day. Learn to listen to yourself. Allow yourself to be honest with yourself, listen to your feelings, trust your intuition. Stop it