This information will be useful to those who are currently looking for a potential partner and periodically meet new people. It will also be of interest to already established couples who have difficulties in their relationships, because these difficulties are most often associated with a violation of attachment. In addition, it is useful to take a closer look at the handwriting of affection in friendly relationships. At the moment of meeting, we try to get to know each other better and answer the question: is a stable, long, happy relationship with this partner possible? Attachment style plays a key role in answering this question. What can be discovered already at the very beginning of communication? You will be surprised, but people show their basic behavior patterns from the first contact. Over the course of several meetings and conversations, you can get a fairly complete picture of the personality of your interlocutor and his attachment style. It is only important to pay attention to three main things: 1) how does a person organize affection, how does he try to “lure” you into a relationship? People with attachment trauma, for example, try to earn love. Their unconscious attitude sounds something like this: “As I am, I am not worthy of love. So I need to become someone who will finally be loved.” Girls, for example, use silicone and eyelashes, culinary abilities and maternal care. Men have pumped up muscles, a car and financial achievements, a desire to take on the solution to your problems. If such behavior is exaggerated and conspicuous, then this is nothing more than a “cry of affection” - the sound of a children’s program that is not rich and not completed by the age of 15, as should have happened normally. 2) what exactly does a person bring to your contact? (what emotions, needs, judgments and values)? In addition to the flow of information that we receive during communication, try to answer the questions: what does your interlocutor feel during the communication process? Perhaps he is happy and interested, or maybe he is excited, embarrassed and annoyed? What do his emotions convey? What does he need? What needs does he talk about? What are his life values? How do these values ​​align with yours? Value conflict is a very serious problem when building relationships. It is better to assess at the initial stage how much your values ​​coincide. 3) how does he handle his and your boundaries? There are not many options in this matter. People can respect your boundaries and set their own. In the unhealthy version, they either engage in the destruction of their own boundaries or try to destroy yours. In contact between two people, each person is responsible only for their own boundaries. The task of an adult is to designate his boundaries and defend them. Since all stories with boundaries evoke a strong emotional response, just be attentive to your irritation and anger, they are your faithful guardians and warning signals about violation of boundaries. In the next publication I will describe several collective portraits of the behavior of people with impaired attachment. In each of them you can find signs that are already familiar to us: increased anxiety or avoidance, a negative image of oneself or a negative image of others.