What is a good person? Polite, kind, non-conflicting, always ready to help. And also comfortable, obedient and inconspicuous. “I’m tired of being good and pleasing everyone” - this is often the case You can hear from clients and read on the Internet. If a good person is “treaded on on his tail” in some situation, the internal conflict comes out. Someone drives away this thought, someone tries to solve this problem with a psychologist. Photo by Samuel Regan-Asante on Unsplash Why does a person strive to be good for everyone? Since childhood, we develop patterns of behavior that allow us to adapt to this world. Being nice and comfortable is one such model. The child quickly learns that if you are a good boy (girl), your parents will love you, the teacher will be less strict, your grandmother will give you candy. This also works in adult life. A student working for a student and a student working for a student. We receive the love of loved ones, support from friends, warm relationships with colleagues in exchange for the fact that we are “good.” “And I kind of understand with my mind that you can’t please everyone, but I really want to.” Because it’s safe to be comfortable. It’s better to make another sacrifice, to block my personality, than to show the real me and be rejected. And you also need to look for the real one. Because over time, “being good” becomes a habit and you realize with horror that you simply don’t know how to tell it like it is and don’t know what you really want. What it leads to The desire to be good is a very strange thing. I want to get social stroking, a portion of “love”, plus 1 for karma.. It’s always nice. I look a little like a comfortable person, but it won’t hurt me... But in the future (hypothetical) I will also be able to ask for help. I use all the points I earned and they will definitely help me! But in the end we get a pie with nothing. Firstly, a good person starts this game “you give me - I give you” unilaterally and no one asked the other side. And the other side is not obliged to give anything in response. Secondly, at some point exhaustion sets in. Because it’s hard to play against yourself, drag work for yourself and that comrade + also help all your relatives. I already said above about the lack of contact with your desires. Advantages of stopping being good for everyone: You will stop sacrificing your interests for the sake of other people You will not depend so much on other people's approval You will understand what exactly you want and make friends with your desires The balance “Take” - “Give” will be established “Being yourself means risking the love of others” However, the changes are worth it. Where to start: Step 1. Observe yourself You can begin to record cases when, in anticipation of approval from others, you acted in a way that was good, and not in the way you wanted. So to speak, they stepped on the throat of their own song. Is there anything common in these cases? Step 2. Look at your beliefs from a different angle Think about the people for whom your goodness, albeit artificial, did not prevent them from walking into the sunset. Does this mean that paths can diverge simply because they can? How would you behave if you focused solely on your own desires, and not on the desire to please someone? How terrible are the consequences of expressing your position (or saying “No” instead of “Yes”)? Step 3. Try to act in a new way Plan experiments where you will try: Saying “No” Helping other people as much as possible Try doing something for yourself For example, not taking unpaid work, not agreeing to help when you can’t. You can take small steps. And watch your reaction, with your fears. This allows you to see and feel: someone may not like me or my actions, but this does not mean at all that I am bad. It is also very important to gain experience in accepting and supportive interaction. It can be obtained by working with a psychologist. You can seek advice on this and other topics by phone. 7-952-900-00-79 (Telegram, WhatsApp)