“He began to be capricious, mischievous,” “does not obey at all,” “does everything out of spite” - parents’ complaints are heard in every way, essentially about the same thing: the child does not listen. How to take the situation into your own hands and achieve obedience from your child? Obedience is voluntary submission to authority. In preschool childhood, the parents are definitely such an authority for the child; upon entering school, the first teacher becomes the second authority after the parents; in adolescence, parents remain the authority if only in preschool and school age they managed to become a friend to their child. Obedience. How should we treat him? Scientists have proven that from birth a child has unlimited trust in those people who are constantly nearby. That is, to your parents. Therefore, everything that parents say to their child, he will accept without any doubt. Many parents want to protect and protect their children from life’s difficulties, while they try in every way to protect their children from taking initiative and demand unconditional obedience from them in everything. Such children are convenient for parents, they are silent and do not express their opinions. But... while raising an obedient child, parents do not think about whether the child will be comfortable later in life, whether he will be able to defend his beliefs and achieve success. After all, it is precisely such obedient children who live their lives for others, for the sake of others, not daring throughout their lives to expel from themselves the little slave that their parents placed in them. After all, sooner or later, all children are faced with the need to take responsibility, solve problems that have arisen on their own and find a way out of a difficult situation, that is, sooner or later the child will still begin to show disobedience - for him this is the passage of age-related crises. How to talk to a child correctly when he is small, so that the child is obedient, and you remain an authority for him. Often parents, as soon as the baby begins to talk, want to teach the child to be obedient. At the age of 1-2 years, the child is stopped, pulled back and taught. For a child of this age, the parents’ words “you can’t”, “that’s enough”, “don’t do that again” have a short-term effect, because he explores the world, everything is interesting to him! Therefore, the baby’s reaction is quite natural; he does not listen and acts as he sees fit. At home, a system of certain rules should be mandatory, which include not only “not allowed”, but also “possible”. It would be correct to say in a calm, friendly tone, when the child is also calm: “This is not how you should do it, but this is how you can do it.” And you, taking a tour of the house, gradually accustom your child to the rules. In general, children like rules and willingly follow them until they reach a time of age crisis, where contradictions are simply inevitable. And then it depends on the parents so that the child “passes” the crisis safely and you, as a parent, maintain your authority without breaking the child’s personality. Beginning: the child becomes 2.5-3 years old, and for the first time the parents really grab their head: “the child how they replaced it...” Starting from this age, parents themselves should behave correctly, and not try to achieve obedience from the child using all methods of coercion. At this age, the child begins to develop such character qualities as independence, determination and purposefulness. In the case of strict discipline and increased demands from parents, punishing him for every disobedience, the child gives up and gradually loses interest in learning about the world. Instead of scolding, it is better to distract the child’s attention and remove dangerous objects away. At this age, children often experience violent emotional reactions, including tantrums. Scolding, shaming, punishing a child will mean fixation on this type of response. It’s better to calmly say: “I’ll wait until you calm down” and leave (if you are sure that the child’s life at this moment is nothingnot threatening). If this happened on the street or in a store: instead of words (which the child simply will not hear at this moment) and spanking, silently take the child under the arm and carry him home. Deep down, every child, despite his disobedience and desire to contradict, knows: the adult is right. Strict rules should primarily apply to important aspects of life, especially those related to the safety of the child’s life. In those areas that are not so significant, give the child the opportunity to make choices for himself. For example, when dressing, ask him the question: “Do you want to wear pants or overalls?”, at breakfast ask: “Will you eat yogurt or porridge?” The child will feel that his opinion is important and that he is listened to. So: use a system of stimulating questions instead of direct orders and an alternative approach. And continue to broadcast the system of rules from the position of “you can’t - you can”: “you can’t draw on wallpaper, but you can on a sheet, whatman paper (which, for example, attach to a wall)”, “you can’t bite, but you can bite a rubber toy”, “hitting Mom is not allowed, but a pillow is allowed”, “you can always hug and kiss each other.” Continuation: At the age of 3-6 years, children begin to react differently to the behavior of their parents, they already know how to evaluate their actions and actions. Often, it is at this time that parents are perplexed why the child began to fight back, he does not listen, refuses to carry out instructions and can respond sharply to the instructions of his parents. This happens, among other things, because the “mirror” is triggered: first, the child looks at his parents and, through their personal example, begins to behave the same way. Remember that listening is a two-way street. If a child turns to you with a phrase, a request, and you say several times: “Wait, I don’t have time”; “Now, now,” “Leave me alone,” a very short period of time will pass, and when you address the child, his reaction will be the same. Set an example for him by stopping what you're doing and actually listening to him when he tells you something. Tips for Parents: * Remember that choice of words and tone of voice are very important in attracting your child's attention and obedience. Be close to the child, stroke his hand and look him in the eyes before you start talking. Formulate clearly and clearly what you want from him. The request “Let’s put the toys to bed” will be perceived more calmly by the child than the order: “Go, clean up your room.” Avoid phrases that begin with three “forbidden” words - “If,” “You,” and “Why.” “If” is perceived by the child as a threat, “You” - as a signal of “pressure” on him, and “Why” - requires the child to explain his behavior, which he often cannot do due to age restrictions. Therefore, it is better to say: “We need to quickly have breakfast, get dressed, and let’s go for a walk” instead of “If you don’t have breakfast and get dressed, we won’t go anywhere.” Warn the child in advance about upcoming actions: “It’s time to go outside, or get dressed, or brush your teeth , or go to lunch,” so that he is mentally prepared for them. Break the task into smaller parts, giving one instruction at a time; and give your child time to complete one request before you give the next task. In such cases, when the child does not keep up, you can often hear from him his own answer, for example: “I don’t have ten arms.” When expressing your point of view, use as few words as possible. For example: instead of “Oh, we're late! Can you hear me? where are your shoes? Put it on now!” It’s better to simply say, “Put on your shoes and go out.” Use visual or auditory cues to get your child’s attention. These could be signs, pictures on which the dressing sequence is drawn, for example. Or a dinnertime alarm. Try whispering or singing softly instead of shouting to get your child's attention. Some children listen more carefully if they have trouble hearing you. Singing simple songs or even just the intonation of singing often attracts and!