One of the most painful feelings of a parent is a feeling of guilt. I'll start from far away.... I am a family psychologist and specialize in working with teenagers. Due to the lack of awareness of their problems, children rarely come to my office on their own; more often it is a request from a parent. I talk with the parent at the initial meeting, and already at this moment much becomes clear. More precisely, the causes of the problems become obvious. After the initial meeting, we have material for subjective analysis: most of it is information about the child from the words of the parent, the smaller part is the psychologist’s own observations of the parent. The psychologist’s task at the first meeting is to analyze the child-parent relationship, on the style and methods of raising the parent. Thus In order not to have the psychologist interpret an unidentified object, the child must undergo diagnostics. The psychologist must see everything with his own eyes. The child arrives, the psychologist finalizes his hypotheses. At the next meeting, the psychologist tells 2 things: 1. Natural (genetic) data of the child. Character, temperament, accentuations. This is something that is difficult to correct. But given this, the psychologist helps the parent create environmental conditions for the child. These are the conditions in which a teenager is maximally capable of developing his potential. The postulate here is simple: We do not break the personality to suit the world around us, we create the world around us to suit the personality’s characteristics. A metaphor fits perfectly here: imagine that a baobab tree has grown. For this life activity of this tree, the savannas of tropical Africa or Australia are needed. Then one of the tallest trees in the world will grow - the trunk diameter will reach 8 meters. Attention question: what will happen if we start growing baobab in the dank tundra? That's right, even if the tree survives, it will be extremely uncomfortable there, and it will never reach its majestic size, which is what this tree is famous for.2. The correctness of the parent's parenting style for a given personality psychotype. Here it often turns out that the parent used those technologies in education that the parent had available. But they were not functional, since problems still exist. Here the parent realizes that the cause of most of the child’s problems is the parent himself. The psychologist does not have the task of condemning the parent, his task is to develop other strategies in interacting with the child. Strategies that will compensate for the child’s weaknesses and help him strengthen the child. But sometimes at this point parents get stuck in a feeling of guilt for what they have done. Sometimes we didn’t take something into account, we made mistakes somewhere, overlooked something, we could have corrected it in time, we somehow snapped at the child, we misunderstood something - there is always something to blame ourselves for. There is no parent who would be absolutely satisfied with himself as a parent. If there is one, then usually such a parent gets a lot of questions from specialists and from children. Usually these are complacent, sometimes cruel parents, confident in the correctness of their actions. Good parents always doubt, suffer, blame themselves and worry - this is normal, because our children are a very great value for us. Our parental role is a very important part of us, we want to perform it efficiently. The reason for guilt in itself is understandable, but at the same time it is not very productive. Guilt weakens us, makes us unhappy, harassed and weak. Guilt does not give us the support to change anything. But guilt is very persistent, since it is the other side of the fantasy that we are omnipotent. Fantasies that we could be attentive enough, we could have clairvoyance, we knew everything, we could do everything, we never got tired, never lost our composure, then we could do everything with an A plus. But no matter how much we wanted we will not be able to do the best for our child. This is a utopia. We will not be able to protect our child from everything, we will not be able to prevent everything, we will not be able to notice and correct everything in time. We raise our children the best way we can, as we can. And that's actually a good thing. And in fact, parents who don't feel.