The ability to refuse is very important. A simple word “no” helps to build personal boundaries, prevents others from shifting their worries and responsibilities onto you, and prevents you from being forced to solve other people’s problems or burdened with uninteresting work. But how can you learn to refuse in such a way as not to offend your interlocutor or destroy friendly or business relationships? 8 rules for competent refusal Listen to my recommendations: 1. Don’t delay the moment. You shouldn’t give false hopes by promising to think if you are set on a categorical refusal from the very beginning. Gather your courage and say a decisive “No!” instead of a vague “Yes, but later,” “Maybe,” or “I need to do some research.” Be honest with your interlocutor. Perhaps, while you were playing for time, he could have found another solution to his problem, and now, because of your hesitation, he missed this opportunity.2. Find an alternative. If you are not ready to take on the project, but you have a colleague who is happy to do any part-time work, offer to contact him. If parents want your help with repairing their dacha, offer to hire workers. This will show that you care about the people who contact you, and you are ready to help, even if not in the way that is expected of you.3. Be as polite as possible. Harsh words will alienate your interlocutor, and he may harbor a grudge. Nobody knows what will happen in the future - perhaps life will bump you into something else. In order not to spoil your reputation and maintain good relationships with potential clients, partners, relatives, friends or neighbors, always remain polite and calm. Refuse correctly, without ridicule or sarcasm.4. Accompany the refusal with a compliment. Anyone will experience disappointment to one degree or another when they hear “no” to their request or offer. To soften unpleasant emotions, “pack” the refusal in a pleasant “wrapper” by adding a compliment and kind words. For example, when refusing to hire a candidate, you can say: “You are a true professional, and it would be very interesting to work with you, but, unfortunately, the vacancy has already been filled.”5. Offer to contact you in the future. Are you invited to an event that you cannot attend? Say that you already have other plans for that day, but you are grateful for the invitation and will be very glad if you are invited next time. The main thing is not to repeat this technique too often, otherwise they will stop contacting you.6. Refuse without direct refusal. Sometimes it happens that you simply cannot say “no”. For example, when your boss asks you to do urgent work, you cannot afford to say, “No, I’m already very busy.” But sitting in the office until midnight trying to get everything done is also not necessary. A well-formulated answer will help resolve the situation. For example, you can say: “Yes, Vasily Petrovich, I am ready to take on this matter. Which current tasks should I postpone?” This way you demonstrate your interest in the work process.7. Be brief. Do not accompany the refusal with a long explanation of why you should say “no,” especially if your reasons are fictitious and you do not want to reveal the real ones. The interlocutor will most likely sense the falseness. Indicate the reason for refusal briefly, for example: “I will be out of town” or “Unfortunately, I’m working that day.”8. Show empathy. When formulating a refusal, put yourself in the shoes of your interlocutor: how would you perceive the phrase that you are about to say? Show that you regret having to answer “no,” but circumstances are such that it is impossible to do otherwise. It’s difficult to refuse, but this useful skill will definitely come in handy. The main thing is to understand that you have the right to say no. And there is no need for any justification for this. The reason “I don’t want” is quite enough to not do what other people want from you. By following the recommendations above, you can make your refusal as painless as possible for others.