It’s day or night, morning or evening for you. But exactly a week later, for exactly 24 hours, the pumpkin will turn into a carriage, and an arrow will fly from God knows where, piercing God knows what. And people of many countries will come face to face with the most romantic and rejected holidays... Marshmallow shades around Valentine's Day not only inspire, they irritate many. A holiday can be a trigger that emphasizes the lack of relationships, exacerbating feelings of loneliness. What kind of Valentine's day is it if there is no such person in your life yet!? It turns out strange. There is a holiday, but it doesn’t seem to be for everyone. In 2019, in Los Angeles, one of the owners of a wine bar announced a protest against Valentine’s Day. He created a “wall of exes,” on which he placed drinks with telling names: “one for two,” “I’ve been talking to your parents for years,” “a cold day in hell.” Among the visitors, there were many people who supported this idea. I would add one more thing there - “loneliness together.” The problem of loneliness is an acute social one. In many countries, on Valentine's Day, the statistics of calls to hotlines traditionally increases. Someone gets depressed. Women, on a romantic wave, go for rapprochement with men, who then do not live up to their hopes. And this throws the already shaky balance even further. Anthropologist Helen Fisher conducted a study in which subjects were shown a photo of the person who had recently left them during an MRI. At the same time, there was activation of brain areas that are responsible for addiction, rewards and motivation, as well as areas associated with chronic depression. And the problem is not so much in the date as in the fact itself. In the minds of society, loneliness has a stigma of badness.〰When will you get married? 〰How many children will you have? -When will you get married? All the friends have been raising children for a long time! The path of some children is planned from the cradle. Finish school, go to college, get married, have children. Then you can breathe out and wait for retirement. Boring? My grandmother at one time was terribly nervous that at the age of 23 I was not yet married. If there is a relationship - good, if not - bad. And no one asks. Is this relationship not due to good will? What kind of relationship is this, if it exists? How is it inside them, is it living or surviving?〰The main thing is to get married, and then you’ll figure it out. 〰Beats means he loves.〰 No one in our family got divorced. And then try to get out of these three messages of the life scenario!? The exit is not only not indicated, but generally blocked. Are relationships a marker of success? Not at all. It's a sweet myth. The women are repenting, and the girls are getting married. Someone, as usual, out of the kindness of their hearts, forgot to tell us that the belief that someone will come who will make it easier is deceptive. That relationships do not save you from pain, emptiness, feelings of loneliness, despair and abandonment. And the belief that relationships are an invariable part of a marshmallow holiday full of romance is also a myth. Because in relationships there is a place for loneliness, “empty” holidays, apartments where no one is waiting, tears, abandonment, despair and pain. The Instagram picture is highly idealized and far from life. Relationships are not a panacea, they have the right not to treat or save. Research among people who left a partnership for various reasons shows that most of them do not suffer at all from loneliness on Valentine's Day.〰They feel good, you say. They have someone to abandon. The one who will save and help has been nearby for a long time, he has long heard and is standing on the threshold. It is you. But often a person spends so much effort on holding the door wide open for another that he has no strength, no time, no attention left for his own. Let yourself in. It's simple and incredibly difficult. But after that you won’t have to call anyone and wait at the door. What will happen? I can't describe it exactly because I don't have a template. But I'm sure you will feel good, even very good. Because the light will now be inside, and not in search of the outside. Let yourself in! ©Sazonova Anna Valerievna (Anna Lavier), family psychologist * Instagram belongs to.