When we try to heal another without being their parents and healers, we waste ourselves. We reject and betray ourselves, exposing ourselves to electric shock, where for people who understand what trauma is, there is a poster - For those who understand what trauma is, they know that this is a conflict between different subpersonalities, parts, archetypes, states in a person. There is a struggle going on, in which all means are good, someone will defeat someone, but at the same time, someone will die. Now imagine that you, those who decided to heal with love, to save, enter this gap, enter on the battlefield between two fierce opponents. You are blocking one from the other, but they don’t hear you, don’t see you, don’t understand you, then you will have to get involved in the conflict by taking the side of one of them. What will happen next? In any case, the war will begin against you, too, on one side, and possibly on both; in any case, you will be rejected as an alien element, although all your resources will be used. Either everyone will die, or those who were against the stronger part, but death is inevitable. In family and marital, male and female relationships, this is what happens, saving the spouse, the second spouse drowns with him or acts in war against him, or tries at the cost your life to save another. I'm not talking about illness and a difficult situation where the help and participation of another is necessary as a manifestation of love, devotion and fidelity, I'm only talking about the internal conflict in one of us. While one is in a conflict, the other must take care of himself, and not climb into a transformer booth where there are 360 ​​volt discharges. Only the person who caused it (hello dad), or the one who is not a participant, is not included, can help in such a conflict, detached and lived through his own similar conflicts. That is, he knows how to help heal, merge, reconcile, accept, stitch, neutralize, contain, dissolve, transform processes born in internal conflict. The one who will help dismantle the devastation and build a new, living place in a clean place, grow it anew. Therefore, dear loved ones of a person who has entered into conflict with himself, do not sacrifice yourself, do not expose yourself, do not heal with your resources by patching holes, take care of yourself, preserve your autonomy, be close, but outside inside the person and do not put him in yourself, because you are not a mother.