“Mom, leave me alone, I’m already big!” How many times have I heard this phrase and various variations of its execution. There's only one result - it doesn't work. The parent is deaf to such a statement. He is not embarrassed by the fact that you are already 25-55 years old and live separately, sometimes in another city; nor the fact that you have already created your own family and are raising children yourself. It is important for him that you are full (preferably with a full description of what you ate), can get to work on time, put on a hat, choose the right pair, and in general, “why didn’t you call me, I’m worried?!” Constant control is exhausting and does not allow you to relax. The parent’s anxiety keeps us in suspense, and when the screaming phone flashes the painfully familiar 4 letters, we take a deep breath, roll our eyes to the sky and answer: “Yes, mom!” “You will always remain a child for me!” This is practically a death sentence. . No matter what a child does, no matter how he shows his development, he will never grow up. Doesn't have the right to do this. Why?1. Sometimes for a mother, a child becomes the meaning of life. For her, nothing exists except caring for her child, regardless of his age, marital status, or social status. To admit that a child has grown up and does not need care means to lose the meaning of life. 2. One whole. As the child grows up, he separates from his mother, becoming a separate adult personality. For some women, it is too painful to accept their child as a “different” individual person with their own feelings, wants and needs. But the mother’s task is to raise in order to let go. The child does not always have sufficient internal strength to take responsibility and free himself from the shackles of maternal care. 3. Fear of losing the only person who needs you. The baby is entirely dependent on the mother, her presence and care. When the child grows up, the mother is afraid of becoming unnecessary. Thus, creating conditions around your child that do not allow him to grow up. What are we doing wrong? 1. Tone of voice. More precisely, tonality, such small vibrations in the vocal cords that reveal uncertainty in us. And, despite our conviction in our own adulthood, in a conversation with a parent there is often a slight doubt “what if not?” After all, we are used to the fact that mom/dad knows best. And here we have to prove the opposite. And when you argue with adults as a child, you are the one who most often loses. This is embedded in us very deeply and strongly.2. What if I offend you? Our connection with our parents is very strong. And no matter how independent we are, it is very scary to lose the support and support of our family. After all, anything can happen. What if mom gets offended and no longer talks to us (helps us, invites us to visit)? Because then I will be left alone. A scary thought. But it is precisely such thoughts that make us fidget in a conversation with our parents, choose our words, and in the end again follow their lead. 3. Broadcast “I am a child.” Adults often begin to behave like little children in their family circle, thereby including their fathers and mothers in the old role-playing game “mother-daughter/son-and-dad.” A quiet, uncertain voice, or, on the contrary, a scream, stamping one’s foot in indignation, you will agree, does not fit with the role of an adult. 4. Well, and most importantly. We are used to seeing in our parents only that they are mom and dad. But being a parent is not their only role. In order to see them as adults with their own separate lives, you need to grow up yourself. Growing up is easy, but proving to your parents that you are an adult is not an easy task. Living independently allows you not only to step away from the care of close relatives, but also forces you to learn to live, relying only on your own strength. From the moment the former child wants independence, he will have to go through the difficult path of building new relationships on the adult-adult principle. We need to reconsider our behavior and attitude towards ourselves and our relatives, learn to respect not only our feelings and desires, but also the feelings43