From the author: published on the website Love is the feeling thanks to which planet Earth revolves. This can be stated without exaggeration. Experiencing it, we are ready to do something that we would never dare to do in a normal state: move mountains, lose twenty kilograms, move to another country, jump with a parachute - and all this for the sake of a loved one. However, life is a strange thing, and this most magical love tends to disappear one day. Usually one partner informs the other about her disappearance, and the latter does not know what to do about it. How to forget old love? What can we do to recover from this?[/url]Why does love go away? When we remember a relationship, each of us probably likes the beginning most of all: the first exciting moments experienced together, loving glances, walks under the moon, magical moments of recognition another man. And suddenly at some point this feeling disappears. Why does this happen? Genuine intimacy Oddly enough, it is precisely this that can provoke the departure of love. Many people are afraid of truly close relationships, as they require a serious investment of mental strength and responsibility for another person. And such closeness implies deep knowledge of the partner, including the shadow sides of his personality. Not everyone is able to survive a collision with them, and this, as a rule, is the first serious crisis in any couple. Inconsistency of internal worlds Each of us has our own personal core on which you rely in life: values, worldview, life goals. It is very important that your partner at least to some extent shares these spiritual foundations that are important to you. Differences in life ideology lead to serious differences in interests, needs, principles and behavior in general. Sooner or later, a man and wife understand that their couple is simply not viable, unless, of course, one of the partners renounces his life goals. Characters that are not suitable for each other If we talked above about some fundamental differences, then in this case we are talking about behavior and temperament. For example, the wife is an extrovert and constantly chatters incessantly, listens to TV loudly and moves chaotically around the apartment. And my husband is an introvert who loves solitude and peace. Yes, in the stage of falling in love, this difference did not stop anyone, but then it can “get” both partners very much. Lack of freedom Of course, there are people in the world who feel calm only when they are in the suffocating embrace of another. But most of us need personal freedom and space. Your partner's attempts to constantly control you are regarded as an intrusion and begin to cause aggression. If nothing changes, then this inevitably leads to mutual misunderstanding and breakup. Long distances There is such a thing - long-distance relationships, which are resorted to by couples who do not have the opportunity to be close, but also do not want to part. Approximately three-quarters of people who have had similar experiences say that maintaining love in such relationships is almost impossible. There is no sex, no physical contact, no opportunity to personally tell your loved one about your day, and much more. Changes begin to occur with each partner, which the other does not always like. All this in general causes love to leave the relationship. Banal fatigue It also happens that you simply get tired of each other. This arises from the fact that you are completely aware of each other’s characters and habits - there is no mystery left, no zest. At the same time, it is not possible to get used to and accept a partner - this takes years. All this causes dissatisfaction and irritation, which comes over your couple in fits and starts. This usually happens a year or two after the start of life together. This is not a complete list of reasons why love fades. Of course, you can avoid this by neutralizing the power of negative factors as much as possible, but not everyone succeeds in this. And if you are reading our article now, then most likelyIn all, the question of how to forget love haunts you. How long does it take to forget? How long do you think it will take before you forget your past love? There is not and cannot be a universal answer to this question. The speed of the process of forgetting previous relationships depends on many factors. A joint study by psychologists from leading universities in the UK and USA aimed to study them. For example, is it possible to forget your first love? Scientists have proven that this is practically impossible: about eighty percent of people in one form or another have encountered sudden manifestations of this seemingly extinguished feeling a long time ago. Accordingly, forgetting first love remains a big question. With subsequent relationships, the situation is different, and love wounds from them heal. From time to time on the Internet you can find various formulas for calculating the period of farewell to love. The most famous and correct one sounds like this: from the moment of separation until you calm down, approximately half of the time that you were together should pass. For example, if you dated a guy for a year, then you will need six months to forget him. For some, this period is too long, so alternative options are offered: a week out of all those months that you were together, exactly a thousand shots of tequila and not a drop less, a month of tears in the pillow, etc. ... In fact, everything is individual for each person, and your task is to choose the way of experiencing a breakup that will suit you. Out of sight, out of mind! Love can be completely different: first, unrequited, withering, calm, etc. ... It’s one thing when you were madly in love, and quite another thing when you were madly loved. Recovering from this will need to be completely different. Surely you have been in each of these situations and know how difficult it is to live such an experience in your own skin. That is why below we have compiled especially for you the most effective psychological recommendations on how to move on from a previous relationship. First love First love becomes for any person a magical window into the world of real and deep feelings. Remember these feelings? As a rule, it overtakes us when we are still teenagers. A hurricane of romantic feelings, a hormonal storm, the desire to be together always, no matter what - all these are typical signs of first love. But, as a rule, it passes. The first separation is comparable in depth of experience and can even surpass falling in love itself. Of course, over time, the wounds heal, but these relationships continue to be just as emotionally charged. And is it necessary to forget your first love? In the end, memories of her will always be a source of pleasant experiences associated with an easy and carefree youth. However, if she is the reason why you still cannot build a normal personal life, then it’s time to get down to business. “How can you forget her? - you ask. “This is absolutely unreal!” But we will try to prove the opposite to you. The simplest and most understandable way is to limit communication with the object of your first love. But there are pitfalls here: sometimes we spend years tormenting ourselves about what would have happened if you had not separated. And in this case, limiting communication can be an excellent basis for idealizing the former gentleman and fantasizing about him. It is quite possible that a worthy alternative would be to try to establish at least some kind of relationship with him. Then it will become clear to you that it is by no means ideal, and it has its shortcomings. Remember that you cannot step into the same river twice. And if for some reason you decide to renew your relationship, it will be completely different than you remember. A lot of time has passed, and the person you once loved has changed a lot - and so have you. Often, memories of first love are just a way to return to the time of youth and realize what was missed and lost. Forgetting first love is not often possible. But youyou can stop reacting to whoever is its object. To do this, you need to realize one simple thing: you were in love and were experiencing a hurricane of feelings. And he was just the person who caused it, who discovered the ability to love in you. This is why first love is surrounded by so many illusions. In the end, you can channel the energy of these experiences into a peaceful channel. The best way to do this is through creativity. Stay alone in a room and bring back memories of your first love. As soon as they become alive, start creating: drawing, writing poetry, photographing, embroidering, etc. … Do what you like and what you love. Rest assured, the result will be different than usual. Use this method every time your first love manifests itself, and after some time the force holding you back will weaken. Unrequited love It is possible that the object of passion never reciprocated your feelings - this, unfortunately, happens all the time. So it turns out that you love, but you are not. There remains a black painful feeling inside that for some reason does not go away for a very long time. It provokes you to do stupid things, from the desire to break this man apart to tearful pleas addressed to him. How to forget unrequited love and get rid of the lump in your heart? Psychologists offer different methods: 1 Complete refusal It is possible that expelling love from your life will help you. Think about it, the symptoms of falling in love are copied exactly from a psychiatry textbook: sudden mood swings, increased anxiety, euphoria, depression and much more. Accordingly, if you approach unrequited love as a disease, then the treatment plan is very simple - eliminate the root cause from life. Banish any thoughts about love from yourself, don’t read books or watch films on relevant topics, fill your life with something else - and then there is a high probability that the love fever virus will stop besieging your fortress.2 Logic is an excellent weapon that kills negative emotions It's all about the work of the hemispheres: when one, responsible for rational reasoning, is activated, the second, associated with feelings, rests. Therefore, try to turn on your head and soberly assess: why do you need love? What are its pros and cons for you? If you start to drift into romantic nonsense, immediately turn on a strict critic - as if you were reading someone else’s text. Don’t forget to pay attention to the inevitable fading of feelings, a feeling of dependence and other “charms” of being in love.3 Criticism will also not hurt your chosen one to get out of the image of an ideal man. You know that such things don’t happen, right? Therefore, try to evaluate the object of your sighs critically. Yes, now it seems to you that he is the most wonderful person in the world. But try to find at least one tiny flaw in him. Perhaps he snores at night. And she doesn’t know how to combine colors in clothes. And he constantly criticizes and corrects everyone - after all, he is the smartest. Imagine yourself living day after day with a person with all these flaws, and the veil of unrequited love will quickly fall from your eyes.4 Fill your life When you are busy, you have no time to think about the bad. It is no coincidence that one wise man called idleness the source of all problems - this is indeed true. Your mind tries to be in a full state, and when there is nothing else, it becomes filled with all sorts of nonsense like unrequited love. Therefore, immediately find yourself an interesting activity that requires large time resources and full dedication - a job or a hobby. Love in the past What to do if your former love cannot be classified as either the first or the second? By and large, everything is the same - the above methods are suitable for surviving any breakup. Only in your case there will be no unnecessary complications that are inherent in the love of these two types. And time also works for you - it is the best healer for heart wounds. If it is almost impossible to forget your first love, then this will definitely happen with any other - you just need to believe. And when will it be?