Since one of the most striking manifestations of codependency is an insatiable desire to save (even when not asked), in our work with relatives of chemically dependent people, we learn to distinguish healthy help and support from harmful rescue. So, How to avoid the role of the Rescuer? Perhaps you think that a loved one is unable to cope with their problems without your help. And you try your best to provide this help, but in response you only receive ingratitude and reproaches. Let's figure out what's going on. It turns out that it is difficult to see the line between healthy care and overprotection, between normal help (support) and harmful rescue. And even if this line is obvious, it is difficult to refuse the impulse to take full responsibility for another person if there is a feeling that he cannot cope on his own (and all past experience literally screams about this). And some people simply don’t know how to say “no!” when they are asked for the impossible and try to help even if there is no strength, desire or resources.1. Don’t help if you weren’t asked! Sometimes you drop everything you’re doing to help a loved one, and then it turns out that “you weren’t asked to do this.” Then, as a rule, you feel disappointed, resentful and angry. There is only one way out - a mutual agreement: either you are asked, or you offer help, but do not impose it!2. Believe in your loved ones! If you have the attitude that your loved one is helpless and will never be able to cope on their own, then most likely you are engaged in rescue. Instead of solving all the difficulties of your loved ones for them, sometimes it is enough to simply say: “You can do it! I believe that you will succeed.”3. Help them believe in themselves. Help people who feel powerless to see and tap into their own power. Their lack of faith in their own strengths and imaginary feeling of helplessness! The best help will not be solving the problem for them, but revealing their own resources.4. Help should be correct and useful. The addict may ask you to solve his problems that he is not able to cope with himself (for example, solve a problem with the law, money, take part in supporting children, etc.). And he really can't solve these problems! He is absolutely helpless. BUT! His main problem is consumption!!! And if we can help with anything, then in solving this problem! Suggest that he go to Alcoholics Anonymous groups or go to a rehabilitation center, sign up for a consultation with a psychologist, etc. If you constantly solve his problems that are a consequence of drug use, then this will have the opposite effect! Without the opportunity to come into contact with the pain of the consequences of use, the addict will never make the decision to stop using. It is a fact. At the same time, you become an indulger of his illness!5. Divide things equally! The person being helped must also take part in this. It makes no sense to try to help someone who does not want to help himself. This is very often characteristic of addicts - when they ask for help, they expect you to do everything for them. If it seems easier to do something yourself, pay attention to what percentage of overall tasks you take on. Try to divide the problems equally, and give the remaining 50% to the responsibility of the person you help. If you shoulder all or most of the responsibility, then most likely you are angry, dissatisfied or resentful and this is a sure sign that you are playing the rescuer.6. I shouldn't! You shouldn't do something against your will, even if a person asks for it. And you certainly don’t have to do anything to your own detriment. If you are angry, check to see if you are doing something against your wishes.7. Take responsibility only for your actions (behavior), problems and feelings. Don't justify your reactions, feelings, or actions by the other person's behavior. I often hear: “I save him because he can’t do it himself,” “I have to save him,” “He makes me angry!” This is wrong! You save him because you yourself cannot do otherwise,.