We all react differently to another person's upset. We can completely ignore him and remain silent. We can tell him to stop crying by saying, "Calm down, pull yourself together" or "Don't be sad/upset." We can say that actually everything is not so bad. Or you can generally laugh at him, saying that he is a weakling. But, unfortunately, none of these reactions help, but only aggravate the situation. This is because these actions tell the person: “Your emotions are unacceptable, wrong, meaningless, you have no right to express them.” How does it feel for a person to hear this? Sad? Offended? How does he feel? Outcasts? Unnecessary? Lonely? Perhaps at some time in your life you also encountered such a reaction to your tears. Or maybe you are the kind of person who reacts this way to the tears of another, and doesn’t know how you can do it differently. How to respond to someone else’s tears? Here are some strategies (or steps) for an understanding, caring response to the feelings of another: Encourage the expression of feelings. Encourage the person to express his feelings, thoughts, and share them with you. “Tell me, what’s happening to you now? What do you feel?". For many people, it is important to have the opportunity to speak out. Mirror the other person's feelings. “I see how hard it is for you,” “I notice that you are angry.” Give his feelings meaning. Show the person that you understand how important these feelings are to him in the current situation. “I understand why you are sad. It's really hard." Pain reduction. Remind the person that it is normal to feel these emotions in the moment, share your own similar experiences, or tell them that many other people may have felt the same in a similar situation. This can help the other person feel that they are not alone in their pain. Help them understand the full range of feelings. We often notice and share our first or most powerful reaction, but there may be a whole range of feelings within us that are not so visible to us. “What else do you feel? What else is going on with you?” This will help you become more aware of your emotions; perhaps, in addition to negative experiences, there are also positive ones, it is important to notice them. Show respect for the moment. You listened to the person, and this is important, but don’t say “it’s a small thing, don’t worry” or “pull yourself together.” Show respect for his feelings. You can say, “I understand this is hard for you, and I’m here for you.” Understand the limits of validation. Remember: you can listen diligently to the person, show empathy, show your concern for what is happening, but this may not lead to relief. Here you can say: “I know that my words will not solve the situation, will not change feelings, will not eliminate problems. But I can just be there.” Validation is recognizing the truth of another person’s feelings. This is respect for what is happening to him at the current moment. How great it would be if all people were able to react in approximately the same way to the feelings of another! But not everyone is capable of this. It is important to realize that not all unsupportive people want to harm you, humiliate you or insult you. Perhaps they don’t know how to do it any other way. Remember who can support you, and turn to him in difficult situations. Remember those who don’t know how to support you, remember that you have the right not to share your pain with these people. If you are the one the very person who does not know how to be supportive and caring with a crying person - perhaps the recommendations above can help you show more empathy. Remember that this is just a skill that you can develop in yourself step by step if it is really important to you. *material prepared based on Robert Leahy’s book “Don’t believe everything you feel”* Sign up for a consultation via instant messengers (WhatsApp or Telegram) by phone: 89133905190 My little telegram channel: https://t.me/psypobeda