From the author: Article from the Internet We are not very used to attaching meaning to what is said in passing. Well, they shouted at the noisy kid: “I’m so tired of you!” Well, they scolded the little coward: “It’s a shame to be afraid! You’re a big boy!” Well, they pulled back the young bore: “No need to be smart, listen, come on!” The kid didn’t seem to pay much attention to our words. Few people understand that a child's brain is literally programmed to catch every word a parent says and perceive it as a guide to action (directive)! Without being fixed, it would seem, by consciousness (the child did not pay attention, did not react, forgot), the directives go into the sphere of the unconscious, gradually forming the personality and determining the life scenario. Inexplicable illnesses, unmotivated aggression, unreasonable poor performance - all this can be the result of words thrown out in irritation and then seemingly forgotten by both mother and baby. Don't live! This is exactly how a child “deciphers” our phrases spoken in our hearts: “I’m so tired of you,” “you’re my punishment,” “go away, I don’t want to see you!” The child understands this absolutely literally: I’m nothing but trouble, I’m tired of my parents, they don't want to see me. If I wasn't there, they would only be better off. What does this lead to: The baby does not yet understand what “not to be” means, but his subconscious sends a clear impulse towards self-destruction. This can lead to: unexplained injuries serious illnesses, most often autoimmune (allergies, rheumatism, etc.) decreased appetite, weight loss defiant, aggressive behavior craving for risky games unmotivated hysterics What to do about it: analyze in what situations you say such things phrases and what exactly causes your irritation. This is exactly what you tell your baby: “I’m tired of your running around. Let’s come up with some quiet game” - instead of “I’m so tired of you” “I’m angry now, and it’s unpleasant for me to talk to you. Let’s continue the conversation when we both calm down” - instead of “I don’t want to see you” “I’m upset that you fight all the time. I am very ashamed in front of other boys and their parents” - instead of “my punishment.” Don't feel it! What it looks like: Violent manifestations of children's emotions are difficult to predict and explain, and are difficult to control by adults. This is probably why the first desire of any parent is to stop the emotional outburst. “What a coward, I was afraid of vaccinations!”, “You can’t say that you hate the teacher. They don’t say that about adults.” How he understands it: The baby is unable to separate the manifestation of a feeling and the feeling itself. And therefore, such remarks are perceived by the child’s consciousness as an unambiguous directive: don’t feel! What this leads to: The child is unable to stop feeling what he feels. But, afraid of losing parental approval, he can learn to hide his true feelings, including from himself, driving them deep into the subconscious. And this can lead to very serious consequences. A ban on physical sensations (pain, fatigue, hunger) - the brain perceives it as a ban on receiving bodily signals about physical discomfort, which can lead to disruption of the baby’s immune system, severe and difficult to treat diseases. Ban on fear Leads to loss of sense of self-preservation. Such children often get injured and become victims of accidents. Unexpressed fears are deformed into phobias and obsessive states, which can lead to nightmares, tics, stuttering, etc. Ban on hatred - by forbidding a child to show negative feelings towards this or that person, we do not remove aggression, but only redirect it: You cannot hate elders - the child shows aggression towards those who are younger. You cannot hate loved ones - the child shows aggression in towards strangers. You can’t hate at all - the baby directs aggression towards himself, which manifests itself in autoimmune diseases in a defiantly hooligan manner».