Often the phrases that parents address to their children have a double bottom, i.e. they are accompanied by strong emotional messages that parents themselves are often unaware of. When dealing with parents who demonstrate toxic behavior, it is important to: Recognize their hidden message. After realizing that you are being manipulated, as well as understanding the principles of these manipulations, it becomes easier to react to such behavior of your parents. After realizing, it is important to understand exactly how to react to the behavior and words of your parents, and also be prepared for provocations on their part. In this case, calmness is the key to the fact that all efforts to use provocative behavior may come to naught. After all, your emotional reaction is direct evidence that the provocation worked. It is also very important to act according to your own rules, and not according to the rules imposed by your parents. In all this, it can help to understand that provocations and manipulations from your parents often have nothing to do with you relationships, but are most likely their own perception of the world. This perception can be formed taking into account their negative experience or attitude towards life, their inability to build communication, lack of empathy, as well as psychological trauma. Often toxic communication on the part of parents reveals their own internal conflicts, fears, uncertainty, and guilt. In this regard, it is important to understand what is hidden behind the behavior of parents on a deeper level. If you can see behind your parents’ behavior their history, their psychological portrait, it will be easier for you to understand the reason for this destructive behavior towards you. And, accordingly, you will be able to react more calmly and balancedly to their actions. Try to accept the characteristics of your parents (accepting does not mean forgiving). In this case, acceptance can occur through the understanding that an adult is unlikely to change, especially at your request. Unfortunately, it is not in our power to transform a cold parent into an empathetic one. You should not expect that your parents will change, since over many years they have become accustomed to certain patterns of behavior, and it is much more difficult to change in adulthood. Try to set and stick to acceptable boundaries. Yes, perhaps, while defending your rights, you will be forced to enter into confrontation. At the same time, try to have an open and honest conversation, calmly explain what exactly does not suit you, and also discuss ways that will help change the situation. If necessary, adjust your strategy. Flexibility may be required. Start small. Sincerely, psychologist Svetlana Kichigina. To sign up for a consultation +7-915-497-19-32 WA, Tg. or come to my telegram channel: https://t.me/Cova_psy.