From the author: We live in a civil marriage (we are dating). How to get him to marry me is a frequent request. Let's get to the bottom of this. The approach is based on the Synton approach. Developments by N.I. Kozlov, professor of psychology. The institution of marriage in the modern world is going through hard times, this can be seen everywhere. But at the same time, most girls have the most important dream - to GET MARRIED!!! This is influenced by the attitudes imposed by parents in early childhood, public opinion significantly influences. It is also influenced by the fact that for a woman this seems to be a guarantee of safety (the stamp in the passport will influence on a man and he will become more responsible for the family, me, the children....) - debatable) but we will talk about this in another article. Quite often girls come to consultations with the request: “I have been living in a civil marriage for several years, but the man does not shows initiative. Doesn’t propose” Or, here’s a recent case: “We live in a civil marriage, we even have a child, but the man doesn’t want to get married. The relationship seems to be good, but he laughs it off, “What if I find something better?” , and in general it’s scary to suddenly leave... How to build behavior and conversation so that he wants to officially marry me “Let’s analyze it: 1. Who needs an official marriage? - a man doesn’t really need it, he’s already comfortable, calm and comfortable. Although his common-law wife is increasingly in a bad, irritable mood... And he is already thinking about what if there is another meeting. Moreover, the first ardent love has passed, there is everyday life around....- a woman needs. She thinks that this is safer for her and the child (it’s debatable, because legally, even in a civil marriage, a man will be required to pay alimony upon separation. And if the relationship deteriorates, then even in an official marriage the seal will not protect against infidelity and separation. She wants wedding. She wants to be in a white dress... A childhood dream is a different topic. This is the topic of the fact that she wants such joy and a gift from a man. Her parents “blow her mind”, so that they fall behind - there is not enough stamp in the passport. wants status in society “I’m a married woman”, so that she won’t be looked at askance at work and her friends won’t make fun of her. 2. Is it worth forcing her to come to terms with what she has and change her self-esteem upward so that she lives in an open relationship and is not married to her? worried about public opinion.? It seems to me that it’s not worth it. The work is long and that’s not the point of the request. 3. Based on what we discussed above, we compose a conversation with HER: “Dear, dear, I thought and want to ask you to give me a Gift. It won’t cost you anything, but it’s very important to me. I really want us to formalize the relationship. I understand that these are my cockroaches, but they greatly influence me. I began to notice that I was irritated and nervous because my parents and friends asked me this question. I want to be calm and build our relationship with joy. At the same time, I dreamed of a beautiful dress (in this place the woman is a Smiling Sunshine, not a hysterical beech, and calmness inside is important, which can also be trained) :) In turn, I promise that I will do everything so that our relationship changes only for the better. And I’m ready to hear what’s important to you.” Here’s a conversation) it helped my heroine. Her man, quite adequate, gave her this gift) and so far he understands that it’s for the best. They are building their marriage meaningfully. And you can talk like that , or are there opinions that this is humiliating??? What: I should!!! And others) ready for discussion! Have a nice weekend and happy harmonious relationship! Psychologist. Lilia Valerievna Polyakova. Skype consultations: liliyakouch.