People constantly find themselves in the same type of situations. For example, if a person is once again fired with a scandal from his next job, where he was previously bullied, not accepted into the team, and given overtime work. He has difficulty finding a new one - so that he can be in the same role. Or if all the men who court a certain girl are like twin brothers (if not in appearance, then in habits), it’s not even clear where she finds them like that. Or if a young man is constantly, regularly friend-zoned by pretty girls; and unlikable ones are also friendzoned. Or here’s another thing: it is known that the daughters of alcoholics strive to find husbands who are also alcoholics (and if they don’t drink yet, they successfully rehabilitate them into full-fledged alcohol addiction). Agree, you also have friends who either constantly marry as if for one and the same man (with different names and addresses) or they constantly find themselves the same job, only in different industries. And they experience the same difficulties, fall for the same rake. There is a saying: “If the third husband hits the face, then the problem is not in the husband, but in the face.” Esotericists would say in such a situation that “here is an unprocessed situation and life gives it to you so that you can finally resolve it and draw the right conclusions.” But it can be explained without mysticism: we read the behavior of other people and enter into familiar, familiar relationships with them. The point is that we give each other signals. Unconscious, non-verbal, subliminal (i.e. so weak that they are not brought to the conscious level and we do not realize or think about them). But, nevertheless, most of these signals determine our behavior. Our psyche clearly reads such subtle signals as a beacon: “I belong!” After all, the daughter of an alcoholic knows her dad very well (and often loves him). Yes, living with him is not easy, but she has studied this kind of life well, knows it inside and out, and is well versed in it. If anything, she can cope with an alcoholic - well, her mother coped with it and raised her. Therefore, the behavior of a young man who perks up at the sight of alcohol is understandable and familiar to her. And everything familiar is not so scary. (By the way, all horror films are based on this principle; it turns out that only two things scare us: the unknown and the unexpected. The known and expected danger is no longer so scary). Therefore, it is easier to deal with an understandable and long-studied evil; it is not even scary at all. Well, dad drank, but he was a good man, he loved his daughter... In general, it’s okay. Robin Skinner in his book “Family and How to Survive in It” gives an example of an exercise that invariably worked in group trainings. The group members, who did not yet know each other, were asked to carefully look at the people around them and choose from among them someone who would fit well into their own family (in which they grew up). For example, he would resemble one of his relatives, or, on the contrary: it would seem that such a person was sorely lacking in their parental family... The participants in the exercise were not allowed to talk at the same time - they simply silently chose each other. After that, each couple (still silent) was asked to choose another couple, according to the same criteria: these people seemed very similar to family and friends, or they were the ones who were always missing in their own family. And only after that the participants of the “fours” were allowed to talk. They started discussing their families and why they chose each other, and lo and behold! It turned out that their families were very similar according to some criterion. For example, all the fathers left the family while the child was still very young. Or everyone had a sick relative, on whom all the parents’ efforts went, and almost nothing was left for the children. Or – these were military families. Or – families in which it was very important to “keep face” and under no circumstances show the world that something was going wrong. Either there was a “terrible secret” in the family, or the relationship was approaching incest, or... Well, that is, something in common was quite.