Question: Criticism, devaluation - what to do? Complete misunderstanding. I feel like there is no love. The relationship has deteriorated. Divorce? It is not always worth getting a divorce. It may be worth seeking advice from a family or couples psychotherapist. When one of the basic emotional needs of one of the partners was not satisfied in the parental family during childhood and adolescence, then this first partner comes into a relationship with the second partner with an unconscious request for satisfaction his unsatisfied needs. The second partner unconsciously enters the game to play out the situation necessary for the first partner to satisfy his needs. But often, he can act in this role only from an internal introject that was laid down in his parental family. Thus, “The scythe found a stone” turns out. The partners themselves do not understand how “something takes possession” of them and they make scandals, injuring each other. After a period of romantic love and enchantment with their partner, the couple moves to a new qualitative stage of intimacy, “Taking off the rose-colored glasses.” There is already potential here for building a harmonious relationship with a real person with his real multifaceted personality. Of course, we are talking about healthy manifestations of personality, without a tendency to psychological or physical violence. Emotional, sexual intimacy - implies openness, vulnerability, which means any misunderstanding or “blow” of a partner on a gentle “open soul” is perceived very painfully. Let’s look at an example of how a conflict can develop in young spouses, before the crisis stage of the appearance of the first child. Example: Man , did not receive sufficient support in the parental family from parents in the role of mentors guiding through life. Having received strong frustration of this need, he, as an adult, brings into the relationship with his wife his need to be accepted, weak, ignorant, incompetent, heard, in order to receive acceptance from his partner and strengthen emotional intimacy. Unconsciously, he asks for maternal acceptance and support of his childish part. Also, guidance and support from the father, in a supportive, approving form, but not criticism, which activates his scheme of incompetence. A woman, unconsciously responding to a request for mentoring, begins to act based on the introjected role of her mother figure, who was strict, controlling, blaming, criticizing, not giving support, did not forgive childhood mistakes and mistakes. Thus, he plays not an accepting mother, but a strict, rejecting father for his partner. In response to a request for acceptance and gentle care from his partner, the man receives “hard coaching” on his behavior, a situation in which he “failed to cope.” Which in turn activates the scheme of incompetence, which may have formed in a man during adolescence, seeking support from a knowledgeable and competent parent for the subsequent introjection of the role of a competent adult into his Self, thereby strengthening his internal psychological support for himself. The psyche of each of the partners desires develop and grow, overcome the limitations set by the childhood script and reach a position of psychological maturity. Thus, not understanding from what roles communication takes place, partners cause each other emotional pain, get angry, offended that they are criticized, devalued. And in the future they feel unaccepted, unloved, devalued. The degree of negative emotions that require psychological release increases in the couple. To resolve such conflicts, a steam room and family counseling are required in order to clarify situations and inform the therapist about the work of schemes (patterns of behavior) that are unconsciously included in a given couple. In couples counseling, specific situations are analyzed, it is clarified what happened in this situation for each partner, how they perceived the situation, what schemes were unconsciously connected in contact. Also, to work through traumatic childhood experiences and understand them,