If you feel that you have low self-esteem, then you need to start questioning the thoughts that you think about yourself. What is self-esteem? It’s how you see yourself, what you think and fantasize about yourself. And this vision is based on your life experiences and interactions with other people. And as a result, in their vision of you. We all have a lot of unconscious fantasies. For example, it might seem like your mom is angry, abandoned, or cruel because you are bad. The man cheated because you did not understand and care enough about him. The boss is always dissatisfied just because you are not a good enough employee, even though you sit at work “day and night.” You try to please everyone, but do not receive gratitude in return. On the contrary, you are faced with use of you and negativity. This is how your inner experiences are reflected in reality - the feeling of not being good enough. And you feel despair. It turns out that no matter what you do, it’s not enough to be recognized, appreciated and loved. It is an experience that lies deep within you. And it has a very strong impact on your self-esteem and how you feel around people. Start to doubt that you are “bad”, that always and everywhere “the problem is you.” Begin to question the need to please in order to be appreciated and truly loved. Start doubting the rightness of those who criticize you and do not seek to understand. Of course, outside approval is very important to all of us. Everyone wants to feel understood, accepted, okay. But there may be a fantasy in your inner world that others are ALWAYS right about you. And the task is to learn to distinguish between your states and those imposed on you. Learn to distinguish whose opinion about you you can rely on, and whose opinion about you is toxic and has nothing to do with you. And first of all, this process of exploration and separation is internal. You explore which of your thoughts, fantasies and feelings you can trust and which you cannot trust. Even if these thoughts are supported by concrete experience, you could be wrong. It is important to learn to forgive yourself and admit your right to make mistakes. Understanding yourself is the key to increasing self-esteem. As well as forming support within yourself and trusting yourself. How does it feel to remain unconvinced when your loved ones convince you of something that is at odds with your intuition and true perception of yourself and life? How does it feel to feel relaxed in your body and confident in yourself when you are criticized? Think about it...And you can do an exercise. Write down everything you think about yourself. What are you like? Next to each thought, write who told you this and when. And also the event that formed this belief. And then you need to form new thoughts about yourself. And working with a psychologist will be useful for you in this regard. Sincerely, Irina Potemkina Analytical psychologist and EFT practitioner