Hello friends! I was thinking of dispelling the situation and turning the attention of each of us inside the family/couple/ourselves. How’s that? That's how. It's a crazy time right now - New Year's Eve. I know many who are very tired of worrying about buying gifts, thinking about what and how to serve, who to invite, who to send, and other nonsense and more. I’m probably overextending myself during this period, so I’m writing in this context. I can say for myself that I’m starting to focus on external circumstances and events, and completely forgetting about myself within the relationship. Now I want to understand it differently! And therefore, I invite each of you to stop and think about something else. Have you ever thought about your soul mate, your partner or partner in terms of the “maturity” of your relationship? Isn’t that an interesting topic? For me it's very interesting. Now I will talk about one of the classifications of the development of love relationships and describe the main stages of their development. It seems to me that this classification is the most honest and realistic. And when you try on the stages of relationship development for your relationship, try not to lie to yourself…. Still, no matter how you look at it, true love in a relationship develops for quite a long time, like ten, fifteen, twenty years....***Stages of relationship development***Saturation or candy-bouquet period. The duration of this stage is maximum 1.5 years. But more often around 6 - 9 months. Oh, this is a magical stage when people become blind, lose their last sense of reason, hearing, sight and... still happy as never before! It is during this period that the couple enjoys each other, the partners are ideal for each other. Stars are falling from the sky, volcanoes of passion are erupting, both are happy and life is wonderful. Lyrics, flowers, poetry, love, heat... You are ready to surrender to your partner completely and irrevocably. At this moment, it seems that this particular person is the most ideal human being in the world, that only with him can you build a real strong family and these feelings - definitely forever! If you ask a person in love why he loves his soul mate, he will answer that for nothing. Love is unconditional! That his other half has no flaws. And the person himself feels the same sincere, warm and accepting unconditional attitude towards himself with a “light” in his eyes. *What actually happens during this period of saturation* - We meet a person who is on the same wavelength with us. - We allow ourselves to open our hearts and begin to fill them with those feelings and emotions that were previously missing. - Sometimes fill in the gaps of feelings and emotions from childhood. For example, parents or parents “didn’t like” him, someone lacked recognition of him as an individual, someone has fears of communication or others. And having received a little love, we feel lighter, happier, warmer. And this guy or this girl certainly loves me as I am or as I am, because there are no complaints, no reproaches, their eyes shine when they see me. So I am! So this is true love! We are finally relaxing. We are finally starting to live. It is during this period that many people lose weight (and nothing helped before), psychosomatic diseases go away (skin problems, for example), sleep improves and anxiety subsides. And it’s not just about regular sex, my dears!))) Is it all just true? An ingenious solution proposed by nature for procreation. *What recommendations could there be? * - Talk to one of your friends and relatives about a new passion. Firstly, maybe your friends will notice something more soberly and directly point out and tell you. -Secondly, speaking out loud is more likely to hear your own mind. - Somehow record your brilliant solutions for yourself and the couple. Can write down, can make, create some thing (sculpture, mold, knit, etc.). Sometimes during such a “fabulous” period, people generate cosmic ideas, find new hobbies, and realize themselves in completely new things. - Remember the wonderful moments. Take photos, record videos. Buy cute things that only concern youtwo. Then, in the subsequent stages (which are not as wonderful as we would like), it is these “memories” and “reminders” that will be resourceful for you and will stop you from making hasty decisions. You will be able to remind yourself of the wonderful feelings of falling in love and the perfection of the two of you for each other. The warmth in your soul will definitely rise, a smile will definitely appear on your face! And you know... the head tilts slightly to the right!!! Yes Yes!!! These are moments of tenderness from a pleasant memory. And most importantly, during this period, you will one hundred percent have the most powerful support of a loved one! Satiation. There is no exact time range from this period. Now each couple in love develops individually. The name speaks for itself. We have already become proficient in the passions of love, we have had our fill. The experience couldn't be higher. The vessel of love is full! At this moment the scales begin to fall from the eyes. The strength is already going somewhere. There is no desire to run out on a date, there is no desire to write poetry or come up with something new. Various factors are combined here and hormones are produced more (thanks to nature for giving me the opportunity to have fun for at least a few months), and addiction occurs, both physical and psychological. We begin to notice in our partner the beginnings of imperfection and even shortcomings. The partner says stupid things from time to time, and acts so-so, and cooks incorrectly, and sits... Then thoughts of this kind arise: “Do I need it? I don't think we're right for each other! I don’t think I can live with this/this!” and so on. Often, after a stormy first stage, at this moment the couple breaks up. And unfortunately, for people who do not want to work on themselves and suffer only from an ideal match for themselves, everything will most likely repeat itself in the next relationship. * What actually happens during this period of satiety * Be that as it may, there is a limit to everything. So the feeling of falling in love has been satisfied. The body doesn't need more. And the person is not in charge of this. So, on the one hand, you no longer need it, but on the other hand, you don’t want to give it away. After all, the memories are still very fresh. Superficial delight no longer rules the consciousness; there is a desire for something deeper. Or, to put it simply, a person doesn’t want to give something for something. Thus, the need for conditions and criteria arises. But they themselves have not yet matured. Rejection This is a period of a 180 turn. We completely begin to see our partner as he is. At this moment they say a phrase like: “Where was I looking before?!” The partner has not only small shortcomings, but simply a complete baggage of vices! Thoughts and understandings arise that in order for me to like it, I must or must do something in a certain way. That it won’t happen the way I want just like that. Why do I need it? And anyway, my doormat doesn’t understand me anymore. Previously, everything was clear within a word. And now we still have to prove something. We definitely have different goals!!! *What actually happens during this period of rejection* - What remains is the habit of vivid feelings, the desire to experience love and passion. A kind of withdrawal. But again I repeat. It’s not a fact that you will be able to move on in the next relationship. - There is an awareness that my partner is not my life! That my life could be filled with something else. And sometimes this is not familiar or even pleasant. Which means we need someone else to fill it in. - Fear of difficulties appears. Very scary thing!!! ...(this is sarcasm)... We must accept the conditions of coexistence, decide how to live further and at the same time move in our own interests. - Unfortunately, this is often the last stage in the development of many relationships. *What recommendations can there be? * - Think about yourself . Each of us is a unique Self. And a partner is not our whole life. Each I has its own destiny, its own interests. Each I have my own friends, work, aspirations. And it’s okay to stay with yourself! - Think about the topic of a serious relationship. Do you want to develop yourself in a relationship? Or do you need to constantly be “under strong emotions of passion”? You can go to a psychologist, he will help you consider your needs anddesires at the angle you need. Unfortunately, friends will not be able to help with this. There will be a lot of advice, but they will be of little use. - Now comes the first moment when you can turn to photos, videos and “reminders” about love from the first stage. And think about what attracted you so much to this person that you fell in love with him? Is it worth ruining everything now? What was and is more pleasant, important or unpleasant for you? - Having thought about many things, during this period you should make a decision and reconsider your attitude towards your partner. In what sense? In the sense that you must already begin to see in your partner another person with his characteristics, with his uniqueness. Start recognizing him as a person. And stop loving his attitude towards you from the first stage. I really believe that I wrote clearly now. He (your partner) will be the way he is. And you have no right to try to change it! You can only change yourself. And only this is in your power. Patience At this stage, we are ready to change and reconsider our relationship as a couple. We periodically suffer from what is happening, we do things differently than before. More often we begin to weigh the pros and cons at the moment of making any decision. More often we remain silent and tolerate. I can’t say that this is a brilliant tactic, but it happens. *What actually happens during this period of patience* - Gradually we reconsider the meaning of love relationships in such a deep sense of the universe. - We become calmer towards a different point of view and life position.- We begin to develop a feeling of accepting our partner for who he is. And don’t worry about his actions or inaction. *What recommendations could there be?* - Try to be more aware. - Learn to talk more about yourself and your emotions. For example, not “you’re a goat, you came late,” but “I’m tired, I was worried, I’m offended, I’m jealous...” This is difficult, but very valuable and important for the development of deep mutual understanding. And at the moment of presenting claims, a person will make excuses, and by talking about ourselves, we evoke a desire to take care. From this stage, the relationship will definitely develop further. Having lived through this period, it will be easier to find points of interaction and support. Fulfillment of dutyAt this stage, a kind of division of roles occurs. It would be great if you discussed this and agreed on the distribution of responsibilities. At this stage, responsibilities already appear that we voluntarily take on ourselves. And from our partner we also feel the desire to maintain the relationship, he also takes on some roles. *What actually happens during this period of duty* - It becomes important for us to be part of a couple. And thus we begin to structure ourselves taking into account the needs of the partner. - The so-called signing of a relationship agreement occurs. In which the terms of the couple are discussed. Family psychotherapy can be very appropriate here. *What recommendations could there be? * - Talk more about relationships and general plans. - You can write down wishes for the distribution of roles and responsibilities directly on a piece of paper. - Try to comply with agreements under any conditions. For example, a girlfriend/wife always cooks dinner. Today the guy/husband came late and was not in a good mood, he didn’t even say “Hello”. She still keeps her part of the couple's agreement. Dinner is ready, the table is set. But seeing his condition, she will no longer crawl into his soul with questions, and can even allow herself to leave the kitchen. Because he understands that he needs to distract himself, reorganize, and relax. And he, for his part, will still walk the dog and take out the trash. Respect Now we are starting to exhale and feel like a real couple. An inseparable whole of two parts. Mutual respect, fulfillment of obligations without expecting anything pleasant from the partner. Real care and concern. *What actually happens during this period of fulfillment of duty* - Now there is a real revelation of yourself to your partner. Complete trust. - Something similar to true friendship. Sincere respect, mutual assistance. Frank conversations about everything. And all this does not require gratitude, special treatment or….