Have you perhaps noticed that you could sometimes say the same phrases to your children that you yourself heard from your parents? Or maybe we observed the same reactions in ourselves. From the relationship with our parents in childhood, we develop a relationship with ourselves. That is, as if inside ourselves. Even though we have grown up and become adults, the same little girl or boy still lives inside us. And we also have an inner critic, which is formed from the images of real parents and other adults significant in childhood. Let's look at a few examples. Let's say your mother expressed her love for you as a child with anxiety and concern. I was constantly afraid that you would get sick, get lost, fall... And now you grew up and had your own child. You don’t seem to want to be as anxious as your mother, but often anxious thoughts swirl in your head: “He’s going to fall, no, I won’t stop him, he must develop, oh, no, I don’t know what to do, what am I such a mother, what if he really falls, maybe take him away from here..." Or as a child, you were never bought in the store what you asked for and were very scolded and shamed if you started begging for something. And now, when your baby wants three chocolates, a Coca-Cola and a set of cars from the store, you are faced with the question of taking care of the child’s health and the family budget, which you think is better, or giving in to emotions. And the emotions are such that you feel shame and fear in front of the people around you because your baby expresses emotions very violently. And you don’t know how to stop it except using the same method that your parents used in childhood. Or it may also be that the child shows a lot of stubbornness when dressing for the street. And you seem to understand that he is a child, that he has his own pace, that you must remain in an adult position. But it seems that he does everything as if out of spite. In your childhood you would have been yelled at for this, or even worse. You develop anger that is difficult to control. It’s as if you fall into a childish position and behave accordingly. And it is very difficult to get away from such reactions, behavior, thoughts and feelings. Simply because this path has already been pretty well trodden in your head - the script that you are following, and it is not possible to pave a new path. Of course, many strive to be better by reading a lot of books and recommendations from psychologists. But for some reason they don’t work, and sometimes it seems that it is simply impossible to follow these recommendations. And sometimes it seems that we certainly do not behave like our parents. For example, they gave you almost no toys, so we begin to actively supply the child with them, more than necessary. Or my parents were very strict and forbade everything. Then, on the contrary, we follow the path without prohibitions. But for some reason it doesn’t work that way either. The child is unhappy, the mother is unhappy. But why? Because this is also the influence of childhood and parental upbringing, but only the opposite, the other extreme. After all, we don’t want to make the same mistakes as our own parents, but in our own child we see ourselves as small. Every time a child asks for a new toy, the pain of our inner child suddenly begins to hurt, and how can we refuse, because it hurts so much? But there is a way out. Only this is all worked out in therapy, sometimes long-term. Books, webinars, and marathons will not help here. Therapy works in such a way that you learn to trace these reactions, become aware of your thoughts, feelings, and their cause. Learn to work with your thoughts and change your behavior. And this is very hard work, because psychology is not magic, you have to work hard to get results. But it’s worth it! You shouldn’t expect that everything will just go away, although it probably happens. But don’t be afraid to turn to a psychologist for help, this is normal and natural. And don’t be upset if you already had a sad experience, perhaps the direction in which the psychologist worked was not suitable, or he simply did not suit you. Look for yours, good luck.