From the author: Calm down, YOU ARE NOT CRAZY at 48 years old if you find it difficult to hold back tears for any minor reason. If you have to force yourself to do normal everyday things. Despair overwhelms you “out of the blue.” Sleep is disturbed. Constant feeling of fatigue. The usual clarity of thinking disappears. Every little thing throws you off balance. Suicidal thoughts appear. THIS MAY BE SYMPTOMS OF MENOPAUSE. This will gradually end, although not soon. And this is TREATABLE and, although painful, is an OPTION OF THE NORM. Over the past three weeks, we have been talking a lot with clients and colleagues about changes during hormonal changes - menopause. The lack of information is simply frightening, including among fellow psychologists and gynecologists. This is some kind of topic, it seems not taboo, but little discussed, or something. And psychological readiness is needed here perhaps more than during pregnancy. This article describes the difficult options for the course of this period in a woman’s life. Designed for women of any age who want to understand what is happening to them, or to loved ones/acquaintances, or who are going to live to be 50. To understand in general about the topic of difficult-to-manage imbalances. For men, it is even more difficult for them to understand the topic; it is less visible from the outside. For colleagues in the helping professions. A person's behavior is largely determined by his hormonal status. Fortunately or unfortunately, this is true. Thyroxine, dopamine, adrenaline, insulin, serotonin... This is especially obvious in case of deviation from the “healthy norm”. In the case of female sex hormones, the norm is their constant fluctuation within certain limits. Here the “norm” varies quite a bit among different women, as well as among the same woman at different periods of life. Thanks to active Internet users, more and more young women are aware of possible cyclical changes in emotional and cognitive status (PMS, prenatal anxiety or absent-mindedness, postpartum depression). The relatively easy version of menopause, when there is simply no need to buy pads, raises questions of self-identification. “Am I still a woman if I can no longer have children?” “How can I tell my husband about this?” “That means I’m an old woman now, right?” This can be damn hard to accept. This requires a lot of mental work. The support of a psychotherapist or loved ones is often important here. But often, very often, the questions relate to noticeable changes. It’s as if it’s not “I do”, but “happens to me.” This is unusual for a responsible, previously self-confident woman. I know myself well, why suddenly this happens! Why didn’t anyone warn me that this would happen! “That I won’t be able to fall asleep normally, I’ll wake up at two in the morning and toss and turn until seven in the morning, and then go to work and so on for almost a year! I’ll die so soon!” "That I'll cry over anything, from a sad tune to a broken pencil to a lost subway badge. Is that even normal?" “That I won’t be able to solve everyday work problems, that collecting analytical data into a table will become simply incredibly difficult. And I’m a manager, by the way!” “What I can’t stand is when the boss raises his voice at me. But I’ve always easily dealt with his emotional incontinence, “he’ll shout and stop, we’re doing a common cause.” And now I’m shaking, I can’t see him, even if you quit " “Why are these “tides” such a setup! It’s like they poured water on them. And this is right on the street. And how can I walk in the cold with a completely wet head? And someone else will ask, “What were you even thinking, with a wet head on the street “Damn, I came out with dry hair! Am I the only one?” “That I can’t bring myself to wash the floor for several months. I’m wildly annoyed that it’s unwashed. I can’t force myself. I already force myself every day to do all the other housework and buy groceries. For a long time. Only by willpower. But Cleaning the floor is already beyond my strength. Am I crazy? "WhatEvery time I cross the road, I will fight the temptation to step in front of the bus. I'm a normal, positive person. It was... I have children, I am responsible for them." "That I would stop enjoying walks, yoga, and cooking. From all these simple things that always made me so happy! Now I do everything only out of a sense of duty. Like, I remember that this is useful and necessary." "That my attitude towards my husband will change so much. In terms of sex. Everything was always wonderful. And now I just don’t want to touch it or smell it. And I don’t know how to be close to him. I want to be close, but without all this. And what will happen to our relationship now?” “I am regularly examined, so why didn’t a gynecologist, not an endocrinologist, but a psychotherapist tell me that it’s time to check my hormones? That this is not a personality disorder, but a hormonal imbalance, common at my age!" And so on... Moreover, the situation for many is worsened by the inability to discuss what is happening with loved ones. The feeling of humiliating symptoms, their “indecentness" makes the topic taboo. It is impossible to explain to colleagues at work that happens. And almost everyone says: “But everyone else is fine!” This is wrong, but others also hide their experiences. And everyone finds themselves alone, dumb and afraid. It’s your flu that’s starting, everyone will be sorry and understand. But here... it’s worse than an intestinal disorder." “I can tell you this, you’re a doctor, and in general, you understand what’s going on. tell me what’s happening to me. But they don’t understand that I’ve become such a roaring cow...” “I have to report at the morning conference, answer questions, and I’m pouring sweat, my face is red. And my colleagues are almost all men. It’s terribly embarrassing and humiliating.” “Family people make comments that my house has become so neglected. I can’t explain that I really can’t. So tired. It's not like I'm sick. I just can not". “I understand that with my endless tears for every reason I am upsetting family relationships. What can I explain? I'm already ashamed. That’s probably why men are leaving for young people.” Colleagues – doctors and psychotherapists – also add pepper to the tail. “You can pull yourself together and pull yourself together. Don’t be lazy, take up meditation and auto-training,” that’s what I was told. And I had a hard time forcing myself to comb my hair in the morning and not cry in front of the mirror. Now I don’t believe in this psychotherapy of yours.” Distrust of suffering, accusation of laziness. It was not the psychotherapist she met. Although with a diploma. “She says to me: “Look, most women cope with their emotional reactions.” In cognitive behavioral therapy, for example, they often turn to the experience of “the majority who cope.” And the woman begins to feel ashamed that she “doesn’t cope where others “They can.” “I used to react normally to his teasing. It’s called “frustrating interventions,” I know. But now I’m so offended all the time, and I start crying, and he puts even more pressure.” A colleague has been working with a woman for a long time and believed that that she knows how to be effectively frustrating, but she doesn’t take into account that in addition to positive personal changes, physiological ones will also occur, and the client will have difficulty managing emotions where before it was easy. Yes, I myself saw an article on a psychological website not long ago. , approximately with the following content: “Why is everyone so afraid of menopause, why scare yourself so much in advance, this is negative self-programming! You need to think positively, meditate, breathe deeply. I didn’t have any unpleasant menopause, neither did my mother or my aunt! Try to enjoy life and not program yourself for bad things!" Yes, my dear colleagues! It can be very great when a specialist and his close relatives are doing well in life. Moreover, it is not at all necessary to be seriously ill, to bury suddenly deceased relatives, be subjected to violence, etc., to recognize that difficult situationsexist in the lives of others. And in the lives of those who came for consultation. Or he is in a painful situation and is afraid to come to this very consultation. And he won’t even come for help after reading such an article. They already explained there that they should have thought earlier. Think positively. It is negative thinkers who experience menopause, as well as cancer, flu and diarrhea. I am very angry seeing such an unprofessional, help-averse approach. With all due respect to positive thinking, it's a good thing. And meditation really helps. It would just be good to start by admitting that there is such a painful problem as hormonal imbalance. And blaming a person for any illness, be it cancer, tonsillitis, hyperthyroidism, syphilis or schizophrenia, is at least unprofessional. It seems to me extremely important to warn. Because it is the independent, responsible, positive, strong people who tend to ignore gradual changes in mental and physical well-being for a long time. When fatigue gradually accumulates. Clarity of mind and observation skills gradually decrease. Somehow, a full-fledged sleep disappears unnoticed. It is unclear at what point a depressive mood appears. At first it seems that this is precisely because of fatigue. There is a habit of “overcoming”, “enduring”, “treating depression with your favorite job.” But it also happens: early menopause beyond one’s age. Induced (iatrogenic) menopause as a result of surgical or chemotherapy treatment. For some reason they forget to warn about it. By the way, here’s another ambush: combined oral contraceptives. While taking COCs, regular bleeding occurs due to the cyclic intake of hormones from these same pills. And a woman can really miss the onset of menopause. She will not have any disruptions in her menstrual cycle. Where, when taking the pills regularly, everything is like clockwork. And first of all, mental symptoms will appear: unmotivated fatigue, emotional lability, decreased cognitive functions, anhedonia, etc. And let’s say it finally occurred to me to get tested for hormones (thanks, the Internet suggested either a friend or a colleague). Now it would be good to get professional help. Yeah: “The gynecologist yelled at me when I asked about hormone replacement therapy. In an expensive private center, by the way. “You all want to be young and slim, you’ve gone completely crazy. Pharmacists invented these hormones to sell to such fools who only care about appearance!” What a look! I can’t sleep, think, work, or talk calmly. Why doesn’t she understand this?!” “I asked the gynecologist: “What will happen now, well, if the ovaries no longer work?” And she told me: “What, what! Now you will grow old very quickly. What do you want? Age."What a nightmare, I've been crying at night for three weeks now!" “I’m taking all these herbal medicines, and homeopathy too. And it seems to me that I’m a little better. But not much. How can you know how long it will last? Otherwise the doctor says, maybe three or four months, or maybe a year or two.” . I am not an advanced gynecologist-endocrinologist, and it seems that at the present stage of diagnostic development this is really difficult to predict. But then it is necessary to discuss support, both psychotherapeutic and organizational, sometimes it is necessary to change a lot in life during this time. Many women can't even believe that their lousy emotional state is related to menopause. Those who have started taking hormone replacement medications are very surprised: “Wow, I like doing gymnastics again, and running, and skiing. Some kind of muscular joy has returned!” “Surprisingly, this passion for gorging on candy in the evenings has completely stopped. I ate a vegetable salad and it’s fine.” “I’m watching an educational video, and I notice a lot of details there that I didn’t see at all two weeks ago, without pills. Amazing!” The previous paragraph is not an advertisement for hormone replacement therapy. There are a lot of contraindications and scary side effects,.