A quick question for you. In general, there will be several of them, but, in essence, there will be one question. Is it possible to raise a child solely on the basis of rewards and without transparent and specific punishments? Is it possible to manage personnel solely on a system of incentives and bonuses without job descriptions and sanctions for violating them? Is it possible for any legal law to exist solely on the basis of rights, but without the use of responsibility? With this formulation, the answer becomes obvious. And now I propose to switch to the topic of male-female relations. And ask a similar question. Namely: Do you need to know the criteria for separation when you start building your relationship? And here, it seems to me, the answer is obvious. Yes need. After all, only by knowing the boundary that cannot be crossed can you clearly and consistently move towards building your relationship. What happens when building relationships in real life? People are fixated on: - the choice of a partner, the presence of some positive matches with the picture within their idea of ​​an ideal soul mate - the pleasure of fulfilling their needs (and almost any relationship begins with this) - hypothetical prospects for a relationship - a bouquet of their fantasies and dreams and emotions And they really forget to turn on the protective fuse in case the partner is not suitable for the future. It’s difficult to insist on this when everything is just beginning. Especially when life experience is not burdened by a series of torments and suffering due to relationships. Therefore, it is worth highlighting specific situations when it is worth turning on the fuse. So. A set of situations when you NEED to remember the criteria for separation: Choosing a partner is not the first time (that is, a wealth of negative experience in building relationships). First conflicts in the family (when there is no mechanism for partnership and cooperation yet) Chronic conflicts of any intensity and topic (which in itself in itself hints at some pathological process within the family) Someone had thoughts about divorce/someone voiced this idea or even insisted on it. One of the partners suffers in the relationship. Relationships bloom and smell of manipulation and blackmail. Why in such situations people do not want to think about the criteria for separation. Because: Turning a blind eye to a problem is much easier than solving it. Forgiving in advance, giving your partner a chance is a good way to relieve yourself of responsibility. Plus - this is an opportunity to feel ABOVE your partner. Plus this is her feeling of being a GOOD person. They think that their partner can be changed. The realization that this is a game based on one’s own thirst for power and adventure usually does not occur. And few people even realize that this game for the 18+ category with an unknown ending and a megaton of wasted energy can become the basis of neuroses, addictions and depression. Moreover, many generally consider it their duty to “improve” their partner!!! Revenge is also nice. After all, revenge (in the widest range of options) is a way to shift the focus of attention from the pain that is happening inside oneself. Unfortunately, this is an effective way. You can go to a family psychologist. And he will figure out what’s wrong with my partner (more often). Or what’s wrong with us (less often). Or what’s wrong with me (very, very rare). But if you decide to draw up a set of criteria for separation, then ready-made ideas are betrayal. Of course, with clarification of what it is. Sex, communication, flirting, trying to move in with another partner, or (and this happens) a sideways glance towards a cute passerby. - violation of promises. Again, with clarification of the degree of significance of these communications. Still, “I didn’t take out the trash” or didn’t buy ketchup – that’s one thing. But emotional closeness, swearing, low criticism or support in a difficult situation is completely different - deception. And here everything is not so simple. Almost every person cheats with enviable regularity. Another question is what is the degree of awareness, globality and potential: