From the author: Magazine "For You" Krasnodar No. 11 (20) November 2011 Modern research shows that in large cities up to 80% of marriages are dissolved. Divorce is always a psychological trauma, a collapse of plans and a breakdown of trust in the person closest to you. This is a difficult test not only morally, but also in terms of self-confidence. WHAT THE STATISTICS SAY - According to statistics, remarriages are stronger and more reliable than first ones. - People get remarried either almost immediately after a divorce, or after a long time. - A year or two after separation, divorced men face delayed “post-divorce” depression, and women at this time are already beginning to rejoice at the freedom they have received. MISTAKES AND DIFFICULTIES IN THE POST-DIVORCE PERIOD1. It's all your partner's fault. Defending against pain, the spouse often blames the ex-husband (wife) for everything, not realizing his “contribution” to the conflict situation. Unfortunately, in this situation, a person takes all the personal aspects of unconstructive behavior into his future life. Conclusion: after recovering from a divorce, try to gain courage and analyze the past, facing the truth.2. Maybe everything can be returned? At first, it may seem that despite the pain you have caused each other, the relationship is worth returning to. And history knows many examples when spouses separate and get back together, ultimately living a happy and not boring life. Maybe your couple is one of those. But give yourself time to cool down and think carefully. If the desire to try again does not go away after six months, try to reanimate the relationship. If it disappears during this time, welcome to a new life. Conclusion: do not rush to return your partner at the first desire, first let all feelings cool down. 3. Let's remain friends. If communication with your ex-spouse cannot be completely stopped (for example, you have children together), the relationship must be maintained smooth and respectful. But the desire to “remain friends” gives rise to a crafty position. Friendship is a very important component of a marital relationship, so “remain friends” ” in this case means “to remain spouses in some way.” Conclusion: relationships with exes should be partnerships, not friendships.4. A glass is your best friend. Alcohol certainly alleviates a serious condition and reduces anxiety. But this effect is temporary. If you overdo it, high-proof drinks begin to act as “depressants”: during the period of heavy drinking, the problems that have piled up only get worse, and even symptoms of poisoning and a feeling of guilt for your own weakness appear. Conclusion: if necessary, allow yourself to “dull” a serious condition with one or two servings strong drink, and then... gather all your will into a fist: after all, you need to deal with the situation with common sense.5. Negative feelings towards your partner. Negative feelings always require motor discharge. There are many ways to “recycle” them. You can imagine your ex-spouse sitting in front of you on an empty chair and tell him (her) everything that is on your soul. You can write a letter to the offender, which will describe all the reproaches and experiences, and then burn it. Or you can “sculpt” your attitude using plasticine, and then, with the help of small additional touches, turn it into something positive or calm. Resentment, of course , doesn’t go away right away. Remember that an unforgiven grudge will not allow you to free yourself from an emotional connection with your ex-spouse. Conclusion: if you want to “let go” of your partner forever, you must first forgive him.6. There's something wrong with me. Separation, and especially divorce, is always a powerful blow to self-esteem. Some spouses, when separating, deliberately undermine their husband’s (wife’s) self-esteem with phrases like: “Who needs you like that besides me?”, “But you’ve never been particularly good in bed and have never been: I often pretended,” etc. A lot of alarming issues emerge questions: “What’s wrong with me?”, “What am I doing wrong?”