From the author: published on Sadness, melancholy, sadness, depression... The person reading about how to overcome depression (that is, you) is probably familiar with all these conditions firsthand. Depression can creep up unnoticed, but it can quite significantly knock you off your feet and generally ruin your life. It sucks the life juice out of a person so much that it becomes pointless to do anything or strive for anything. Our article is not at all dedicated to a serious mental illness, which depression actually is. Many people are accustomed to using this term to describe a lack of interest in something, a perpetually bad mood, and other things that may not be enough to diagnose depression. And only a doctor can do this and prescribe treatment - we must not forget about this. Therefore, below we will talk exclusively about melancholy, melancholy, apathy - about all those things that are popularly called “depression.” A depressive state begins to weigh heavily from the very beginning. Bad thoughts come into your head, and there is only one need left - to get rid of it all. But how? Indeed, in moments of suffering from depression, the possibility of returning to one’s previous state seems unrealistic. To still bring it to life, remember: there is always a way out. And we will help you find it.[/url]Recognize the cause Every phenomenon has its own reason. The same goes for depression: something always triggers the process of being depressed and self-flagellation. Sometimes, of course, it seems that depression began just like that, by itself, but this happens very rarely and, as a rule, serves as a reason for contacting a psychotherapist. In all other cases, something provokes depression. How to discover this unfortunate reason? The simplest and most rational way is to make a list. To do this most effectively, create the most calm and relaxed atmosphere around you, in which nothing will distract you. After that, imagine the last year of your life. What upset you during this time? What had a negative impact and inspired pessimism? What would you like to forget once and for all? Think and make a list of all these things. To make it easier, try not to evaluate your attitude and your contribution to the occurrence of these events - write down everything that comes to mind. Having made a list, look at it and analyze it. Which of these things could have triggered your depression? The feelings that arise when thinking about the events listed in the list can help you find the answer to this question: those that cause strong sadness, sadness and melancholy are most likely the key causes of your depression. You can approach the awareness of these reasons from a slightly different way sides. Remember in what situations over the past month you were very upset, which plunged you into depressive feelings. Try to define all these situations with some general concept, for example, at these moments you were disappointed in people or, conversely, people devalued your words and actions. This way you will understand what the triggers for your depression are. However, often the causes of depression are not any events, but negative attitudes sitting in our brains. For example, the attitude “I can’t do anything” can cause absolutely real depression, because... a person will perceive any slightest failure through the prism of his own ineptitude, and will not notice successes at all. Agree, the onset of a depressive state in this case is not surprising! Finding such attitudes is not difficult - they often appear in your head at unfortunate moments in life. The main thing is to realize them and record them. Sometimes there is a need to “continue the thought.” For example, it sounds in your head: “You did everything wrong again!” This is not an actual attitude, but it may hide something like “you’re a loser” or “your hands are growing in the wrong place.” In order to discover it, it is necessary to continue the thought to itslogical completion and formation into an attitude regarding one’s own personality. [/url]Eliminate the “root of evil” When everything becomes clear about the reasons, it is necessary to move on to decisive action. They should be aimed at transforming these reasons into something positive or at least neutral. Very often, all negative phenomena seem to “grow” into the personality, and they need to be “uprooted” completely, with roots. The good news is that psychology does not stand still, and scientists offer a lot of ways to overcome depression. As we said above, the cause of depression is often negative attitudes about oneself. They serve as the basis for low self-esteem, which, in turn, is a source of depression. Unfortunately, such attitudes, as a rule, are laid in early childhood - a period when the human soul absorbs everything like a sponge. And if at this moment some adult begins to call you a “loser,” “stupid,” or “inept,” there is a high probability that this will be remembered very well and will influence your subsequent life. How to get rid of such installations? In fact, it is not as difficult as it seems - especially if you have discovered them. Working with them is about “loosening” them. Let us clarify this point a little: the attitude itself, as a rule, is very strict; in its formulation the words “always”, “never”, “completely”, “absolutely”, etc. are often heard. ... Your task is to critically rethink the content of the attitude and make it less radical. For example, the attitude “I must always be the best, otherwise I will be a failure” sounds very harsh and does not allow a woman to be happy. However, if you think about it and remove the second part, and also change “should be” to “want” or “trying”, you will get a completely different result. In correcting attitudes, it is also very important to search and find the one who laid this attitude in you. Usually these are parents, grandparents, teachers and other adults who are important to you. Without noticing it themselves, they say something in a tone that does not tolerate objections, and for some this can become the main regulator of behavior. To reduce the power of such an attitude to zero, remember where and from whom did you first hear these words? Then mentally sit him on the empty chair in front of you and establish a dialogue: find out why he thinks so, explain why you can no longer and do not want to meet these strict standards and talk about what you would like. It sounds strange, of course, but it helps! After such a conversation, the strength of the attitude weakens - but this is what we wanted. Sometimes the cause of depression is increased demands on oneself and on people. For example, you think that a woman should be kind, smart, cheerful, responsive, active and much more. People who do not fit into these frameworks cause you irritation, and if for some reason you yourself cannot be like that, then even depression. This is due to the subconscious acceptance of some personal qualities and the rejection of others. In order to “turn off” this mechanism, it is necessary to accept the possibility that people have both polar qualities - both negative and positive. It's easy to say, but difficult to do, and there is a psychological exercise specifically for this. Ideally, it should be used under the guidance of an experienced psychologist, but independent use is also possible. You need to take two chairs, each of which will represent a polar position, for example, a “smart” and a “stupid” person. After this, sit on the first chair and try on the first image, stay in it, speak on its behalf, then do the same with the second. Then again in the first image and voice all existing thoughts and objections, then in the second - and so on until both images “understand” each other, finding a compromise. Experiencing loss is perhaps the most common reason for the occurrence of depression. A loss can be understood as almost any loss that is significant to you: the death of a loved one, separation from a loved one, the move of a friend, or the end of some important stage.in your life. If any of these events have left you in a prolonged state of sadness, then you will be interested to know that the best way to cope with a loss is to experience the loss. It sounds like “butter and butter”, but many people try to distract themselves, delay or skip this period. This helps to hide negative feelings that can come back to haunt you with depression in a year or two. This option is not suitable for those who really want to cope with the loss. To do this, you need to go through a number of important stages: 1 Realization of the reality of the loss Many people delay this moment, for example, by continuing to communicate with the past, but this is not constructive: you are simply putting off unpleasant emotions, and you are not solving the problem. The loss must be recognized and felt - this is the only way to begin to experience it.2 Expression of all negative emotions associated with the loss Cry, scream - you can loudly and swear. It is best to make a special device for this, for example, howl in the pantry or go on a rampage in a circle outlined around you. Don’t be shy in expressing your emotions, and when it’s over, just leave the circle or throw away the bag. It will become easier for you - the result is guaranteed. 3 Completion of “gestalts” This term refers to all the situations in your communication with the departed person that prevent you from letting him go. For example, something is not said or done. The best way to deal with this is to write a letter to this person or express all this to him, imagining him sitting on an empty chair.4 Satisfying the needs associated with the departed person Surely he gave you a lot of things: love, care, communication, finances, help, support - all of these things you will miss besides him. To make it easier to survive the loss, you need to find ways in which you will satisfy your needs without that same person. 5 Finding the meaning of the loss Yes, this is important in experiencing and accepting a loss, which often seems unfair and meaningless to us. You can try to find meaning some time after the loss, and this can be done even in a situation of death. For example, a woman who has lost a child can reduce the amount of her pain by thinking that her child will never again be hurt, get sick, or face cruelty.6 Finding yourself in something important and useful For many people, the experience of loss ends with the decision to engage in charity work or volunteering. And this is no coincidence: having experienced a loss, a person wants to fill his life with something important, useful and correct, and what could be better than helping sick children, for example? Of course, not so often, but sometimes depression is caused by something less tragic than loss , situations: problems at work, a quarrel with a friend, financial troubles. All these things often do not require much: an objective analysis and a rational decision are quite enough. But finding such a solution in a state of depression can be difficult. In order to do this, you need to go through all the “assets” at your disposal: remember everything that you can, know how, and have ever done. It’s best if you discuss the situation with someone who is not included in her: ask him to ask meticulous questions, the purpose of which will be to find a way out of it. For example, many situations seem hopeless. However, if you consistently ask yourself what exactly is their hopelessness, then unexpectedly you can come to positive conclusions.[/url] Find resources Let's say that you have found a solution, but something is preventing you from bringing it to life. Sometimes even the search for a solution turns out to be ineffective due to feelings of powerlessness, passivity and apathy. Accordingly, in order to get out of the vicious circle, additional sources of strength and energy are needed - they are called “resources”. How can you find them inside and around you? Satisfying your needs is the first step to restoring balance in the body. It is from this that the energy is taken, which a person realizes in everything else. During depression, it is not always clearwhat you want right now, and this ability needs to be trained. Constantly listen to yourself and your body, ask it about its desires and try to offer exactly what it wants. And not “now you want something sweet, but it’s harmful, so you’d better eat something sour.” This is how the body weans itself from signaling its needs. Another useful way to activate your own resources is visualization. Surely you have some kind of dream or, conversely, a very pleasant memory. All you need is to be alone with yourself in a room where no one will disturb you, and imagine the event in all the smallest details. When its detailed image appears in front of you, enter it and stay there for a while: wander around, touch everything you can. Use your eyes, ears, skin and nose to get the full picture. After about five minutes you can leave the image. After doing this simple exercise, you will feel a charge of energy and good mood. For best results, do it regularly and it will make a significant contribution to the fight against depression. Meditation and relaxation are wonderful steps towards achieving inner harmony and balance. In addition, they perfectly help in the fight against stress, which, as is known, is often the cause of depressive experiences. You clear your consciousness of all negativity and fill it with something interesting and useful for you - isn’t this the key to a long and happy life? Just one little piece of advice: you need to start doing them gradually with some simple exercises and techniques - this is important so as not to overload your body with something radically new.[/url]Secure the resultSo, a way out of depression has been found, the first steps have been taken. in this direction, and “the frightened enemy flees the battlefield.” However, there is a considerable possibility that if this matter is left to chance, he may return. Therefore, your task is to do everything possible to prevent this. Minimum program for “making your own life happy”: Work on your self-esteem. This is often the number one reason for self-flagellation and depressive thoughts. A self-confident person does not feel sad so often (although this also happens) - he mainly tries to solve his problems and overcome obstacles. And all because he loves himself and understands that failures happen even to the best representatives of homo sapiens. Dream more Dreams give us the strength to move on, give meaning to life and are a source of positive emotions. Those who dream a lot know what they want from life and it becomes easier for them to get it. Therefore, do not waste time thinking about beauty - it will not be wasted. Although it’s also not worth living in “castles in the air” - you are “moving to the future” without seeing the present. Accept the opportunity to experience the negative As you know, there are black, white, and even gray stripes in life, but many still think that that real life is continuous happiness and pleasure. And if they are not there, then life has failed, and you are a failure. But that's not true! Real life is about truly experiencing (not leaving) the entire spectrum of emotions and feelings - from positive to negative. Only in this case can we talk about its usefulness. Set goals so that your dreams are not fruitless. If you just think about how good it would be to become the president of an oil company, that’s one thing. But if you make a plan, get the necessary education and experience and go for an interview, that’s completely different. In life, everything is real, and those who do something in the chosen direction, sooner or later achieve pleasant results in it. Find your place in life Yes, of course, it sounds global, but it is very useful. People who do things that are interesting and dear to them are sixty percent happier than everyone else. A favorite activity gives their life the necessary meaning, but often it is its absence that plunges them into the abyss of melancholy and apathy. By the way, your favorite thing doesn’t have to be work!