From the author: “I will give my child everything that I didn’t have as a child!” THIS is parental ugliness, disguised in a mask of socially acceptable sound. “I will give my child everything that I didn’t have.” it was in childhood!” Or no, in a different way. “I wanted to give him everything I didn’t have!” Sound familiar? put + and read on. 99% of mothers say this and come to me with this idea. Regardless of education, education, nationality, social and economic status and other life circumstances. Lawyers, teachers, housewives, yoga and sling mothers, believers and not so, artists, psychologists, etc. In fact, I don’t care what they call themselves or who they think they are. It is not important! I know that THIS is parental ugliness, disguised in a mask of socially acceptable sound. “I never had a father,” “my mother worked all the time,” “I was bullied at school,” ... These are some of the motives that often, often go hand in hand with excuses “they beat me and nothing happened”, “I stayed at home myself since I was 6 years old and nothing happened”...Nothing good! First. Who does THIS parent care about? About that self! Whom does he protect and justify? These are YOUR parents! Why? This is where everyone should pause and think... In order not to let the pain become noticeable... And it seems that this is good. That it’s easier without pain. No! No! From hunger to hunger, from parents to children. From this hunger, an impression is created in our heads, a false conclusion, that if THIS were given, we would definitely be happy. And then THAT becomes love. For a while. Exactly until the moment when the “hunger” in the child makes itself felt. Well, another person cannot endlessly eat the same porridge, and even the one you love, and not him! We are born through pain in childhood, in parenthood, in the profession, in friendship and much more. In passing pain. I hope that you already feel with your skin the absurdity of the stupid idea of ​​​​giving a child something that you did not have? If not, I will continue to knock on your hearts until you stop! Second. What do parents ultimately share, what do they give? In short: thirst, suffering, lack, disadvantage and an impossible dream. Not this one, then this one, not one way, but the other. By mom’s tenderness, by dad’s approval, by respect for feelings and needs, desires and interests. Because the “dad” with whom mom stays with such an idea is no longer a priori DAD . If he were really a father, my mother would not have such thoughts and words. And if they exist, then they exist “if only there was a “dad” lying on the couch, sitting in the garage and endlessly working “for you.” Not just a little, but it’s normal for a child to be afraid to say, ask, leave the room or go home. Because often a mother who suffers in childhood for her mother, who is always at work, becomes a suffocating mother! Yes Yes! Both in hypoprotection and in hyperprotection absolutely do not care about the child from different bell towers. Both there and there do not care about the needs of the child! And when a mother puts her ass in front of her child at every turn, buys a 350 doll or a car, asks 150 times what he will eat, she also deprives him! And it is not yet known what is worse - cutting his wings or not giving them. What do you think? In any case, the child is without wings. Sooner or later, mistakes lead to hunger. How does HUNGER manifest itself? Behavior and emotional manifestations of two polarities: aggressiveness and passivity in all its diversity and amazing individual combination. And more! And health, and relationships, and abilities, and skills, etc. I already wrote an article “Instructions for using a child psychologist” - read it. https://www.b17.ru/article/serednyakdetskij_psihologinstrukciya/And a normal child psychologist will take most of not the child's work, but yours! To saturate you with the love that you probably want to give to your baby and big boy, no matter how old he is. It is in your head that a normal child psychologist will help establish meaningful connections between cause and effect. Because it is through your eyes that the child sees himself. It is your voice, words and intonations that carry him.