From the author: Why have there been so many infertile couples lately? Is there any psychological explanation for this Interview for Women's Health magazine August 2014 Why have there been a lot of infertile couples recently? – we asked the psychotherapist, perinatal psychologist, member of the Russian Psychoanalytic Society Elena Valerievna Mukhamedova. “I remember when I was a child, in our large multi-storey building there was only one childless married couple. These people were treated with deep sympathy and pity. They couldn’t do what was so natural for others... Nowadays there are many childless couples, and the whole reproductive medicine industry works for them. Why has it become so difficult for women to get pregnant? - The main reason, oddly enough, is the increase in living standards. A generation of women who are now 40 years old, finishing school, already imagined that in the foreseeable future they could become wives and mothers. Girls then went to college, fell in love, and by the time they graduated, many were already on maternity leave. Today, when I talk to school graduates on this topic, they either giggle or look at me with surprised eyes: “Family, children... It’s not so soon...” Indeed, after college, girls go to work, make a career, buy an apartment, a car . Then they are promoted - and now they need a country house and a better car. Not to mention the man who must meet the needs of such a business woman. Around thirty, she begins to think about a child. But the reproductive system does not keep up with our leaps and bounds. It, as before, begins to develop at the age of 14-15, and by the age of 25 it begins to “wave its hand” at us. In addition, a woman uses contraceptives during the best time to conceive. And if chemical drugs are taken for many years, the ovaries become infantile. And restarting them so that they produce an egg capable of conception is not always easy. Moreover, it is not for nothing that they say that conceiving a child is a sacrament. She prepares in advance for such an important event in a woman’s life. He thinks about the child, begins to look closely at children's things in the store, dreams of how he will walk with a stroller. When a woman treats intimate relationships mechanistically: this is, they say, necessary for health, and then I ran off to solve “the world’s problems”—pregnancy may also not occur. Simply because the necessary changes at the emotional level do not occur in the body. But it seems to me that today young people have simply begun to take a more responsible approach to the birth of a child. Is it bad: first create all the conditions for his appearance, realize himself at work, and then take care of the baby? - This is good, but where is the limit of such preparation? I remember at my appointment one woman said: “I can’t have a child because my housing issue has not been resolved.” It’s strange, I already knew that she has a large three-room apartment in which she lives with her husband. It turns out that from her kitchen window you can see a corner of the cemetery. “Is it really possible to give birth to a child in an apartment with such a landscape?” But here’s another case. A study of pregnant women was conducted in the Arkhangelsk region. The doctor and nurse reached the end of the street indicated in the medical record of one of the women, but there was no such house. They started asking local residents. And they were shown a railway tank. There was a ladder leading into the barrel, and there was a door at the top. Inside there was an iron bed, a potbelly stove, and a kettle. And on the cabinet there was a pink baby bath. They began to persuade the woman to go to a shelter, to a hostel, to a hospital, in the end. “No, no,” she said. - This is my home. And everything will be fine here.” In principle, the child does not care in what conditions he begins his life. The main thing is that mom is nearby all the time. I do not, of course, encourage everyone to give birth in a barrel. But you need to determine for yourself at least an approximate material level that you will focus on. Otherwise, then all the money you earn will be spent on getting pregnant. - Is there a purelypsychological reasons that prevent a woman from conceiving a child? - The main problem is the collision of the desire for motherhood and anxiety. An overly responsible woman may want a child and at the same time worry: “What will I do with him?” “What if I can’t handle it?” “What if there isn’t enough money?” If you can’t get pregnant for a long time, other fears arise: “Maybe I’m infertile?” “How is it that everyone has children, but I don’t?” “What if my husband leaves me because of this?” Now there are studies that determine pregnancy at very early stages - even when the woman does not know about it. The embryo freezes in development at very early stages. And it is rejected along with the onset of menstruation. The question is: why? Yes, because the woman’s body, pumped up with anxiety, “knows” that the child will bring him big problems. Or why should he go through such difficulties? It's easier to get rid of the embryo. This is an unconscious process and uncontrollable. If excessive anxiety floods the psyche, it means there is danger and the body is saving resources to survive. In extreme situations, they get rid of burdensome ballast. In this situation of high anxiety regarding the child, an embryo becomes it. Everyone knows this phenomenon: a woman who has been treated for infertility for a long time takes a child from the baby’s home, and soon becomes pregnant. Why? She simply let go of this problem, stopped worrying, and the child appeared by itself. Why do migrant workers, homeless people, and asocial individuals not need IVF or other reproductive technologies? Their children appear without any wisdom. Yes, because they treat this as a natural process: someone is born, grows, runs, asks something. I want to have an internal conflict, but I’m afraid, they don’t have it. There is no fear, because the birth of a child does not disrupt normal life in any way. And yet, a child born on the territory of the Russian Federation automatically receives citizenship, and so do his parents. - Or maybe a woman in our time is gradually losing the instinct of motherhood? After all, there are some ladies who simply do not want to have a child. - The instinct of motherhood is given to us by nature. And if it disappears, we need to figure out why it happened. Perhaps this woman's mother or one of her relatives died in childbirth. In her genetic memory there is an attitude: pregnancy is very dangerous, you can die from it. It’s bad if the girls around her are too emotional about childbirth. Especially if the details are told in her presence. Previously, if a woman gave birth, they were silent about it. During the birth there was a midwife and two or three other people who helped her. The rest generally pretended not to know, because there were children around. The child absorbs not the words, but the emotional content behind them. And if a girl is frightened by someone’s detailed story about a difficult birth, she may get the impression that this is something very scary and dangerous. I once worked with a woman who had six brothers and sisters, and she was the eldest. My client was so tired of the stress that fell on her as a child that she no longer wanted to have her own children. But perhaps the most common attitude today is: “Children are hard work.” The child may fall and get hurt, so you need to keep an eye on him at all times. He might get sick. It could be stolen. You need to constantly study with him at school, and then college. Get married or get married. That is, this is the hardest work, and for the rest of your life. And the child will fill your entire existence, you will no longer belong to yourself. And when a girl hears this from an early age, she begins to think: “Why do I need a child if it takes away my whole life? I don’t want to be just soil for growing the future generation.” And only when we pull these fears out and work through them, it turns out that the maternal instinct has not disappeared anywhere. And the woman understands: the child not only does not prevent her from being happy, but also makes her so. - New technologies are now helping women who are desperate to have a baby get pregnant. Today they are nursing