How often small children can throw a huge tantrum for absolutely no reason, and sometimes, it seems, out of nowhere. Often, when the cause of a tantrum is obvious or “approved” by adults, they may try to console the child and feel sorry for him. But if, in the adult’s opinion, such a bright outburst of children’s emotions is unacceptable (the child pushes the parent away, screams, fights, etc.), the adult begins to try to suppress the child’s hysteria. But is it possible to stop a raging volcano? Of course not. No matter how “wrong” a child’s hysteria may be, he does NOT do it consciously and absolutely cannot control himself at this moment due to the immaturity of the brain. This is important to understand and remember. And the danger is that such an emotional state of the child often “infects” the parent with negative emotions. Reactions may appear: “I’ll show you now how to behave”, “stop it immediately”, “calm down, whoever you told”, “stop shouting”, “you’ll get it from me now”, “if you don’t calm down, I’ll send you to my room”, etc. All these are attempts to stop the raging volcano, but they are not only useless, but also harmful. You can drown out a child’s emotions, but this will in no way help him learn to recognize and manage them, and in the long run will lead to even greater behavioral problems and anxiety. (After all, the child will never be aware of his emotions and the ability to control them will also not be developed.) Imagine yourself in his place. Let's transfer this situation to us, adults. Imagine something has made you very upset or angry. Perhaps you are screaming or ready to destroy everything around, and your spouse says to you: “Stop it, stop yelling! Go to the room and calm down." Will your initial emotions decrease or will they only intensify? How do you want to react? Or you cry, a lot, perhaps while screaming about how tired you are of everything. And your husband ignores your grief, or devalues ​​“you found a reason to cry,” or even begins to scold you for it: “Stop being hysterical, otherwise I’ll leave!” Will you feel loved and accepted for who you are? How long will your relationship “live” if your husband constantly shows coldness when emotions come over you, tries to drown them out or yells and punishes you for them? Will you have a desire to continue to be with this person, to try to be a good wife for him? And then what do children feel when they are “captured” by emotions, but they begin to scold them for this, belittle or devalue their feelings, punish or just be cold and ignore? If even mom/dad doesn’t accept him, then who will understand, accept, help him learn to cope with his emotions? The true reasons for hysterics But what is actually hidden behind such reactions of an adult? A child’s hysteria is a very powerful challenge to the adult’s balance, his self-control, the ability to control YOURSELF and YOUR emotions. Yell at a child, hit, lock him in another room, start shaking the child shouting “stop it now” or simply ignore the child’s crying - this is all much easier than controlling yourself, your destructive impulses, remembering that “I’m the adult here”, “the child is now worse off than me”, “I must help the child cope with his emotions”. An adult’s destructive reactions to a child’s hysteria show that an adult cannot cope with the child’s emotions - accept them and help them live gently, while comforting him. An adult cannot cope with his emotions - so as not to be “infected” by the child’s emotions, control his impulses and emotions, and remain calm. And he also cannot show empathy for the child. It is very important to understand that if a child under 5-7 years of age (and even older!) is overcome by some strong emotions, then no matter how badly he behaves (screams, fights, destroys everything around, etc.), he cannot cope with his emotions due to the immaturity of the prefrontal cortex! And it's not his fault at all! The child does not control himself at this moment, so it is useless to shout “stop it now.”?