When we hear the word conflict, the mind’s eye usually gives us not the most pleasant pictures. Especially if this is not some kind of diplomatic conflict from the news, but the most real and understandable one: a conflict in a couple , conflict between husband and wife, conflict between relatives, parents and children, etc. In the minds of many of us there is the belief that conflict is something very unpleasant, negative and dangerous. In a word, this is something that should be carefully avoided. We are not used to open and honest interaction, we are not familiar with the culture of conflict, we have little positive experience when conflicts are resolved taking into account the interests of all parties, etc. The very concept of a culture of conflict is to us alien. We don’t know and don’t even want to know how to behave correctly in a situation where our interests are violated or when we ourselves do not take into account the interests of other people. We hope that “somehow it will pass...”. We hope that we will manage to not discuss or decide anything, and that the issue will somehow be resolved on its own. This sometimes happens, but this approach should not be considered universal. It will fail you in most situations - especially if disagreements are serious, and dissatisfaction has been building up for a long time. Therefore, the sooner we come to the realization that conflicts are an integral part of life, the easier it will be for us to master the skills of productively resolving them. The very first thing is that can correct your perception of conflict situations, this is the understanding that... Conflict is a source of growth and development Yes. Only this understanding can seriously put the brains of many people in their place. Conflict does not mean losing yourself, your dignity or degrading. All this happens only if we slide into ordinary “showdowns”, which are infinitely far from the correct way to overcome disagreements. As soon as we begin to “deal” with the offender, then we find ourselves in a kind of trap and demonstrate all our worst qualities: we begin to be rude, be rude, get personal, raise our voices, try to hurt our opponent more, etc. What does this lead to? Option 1. Everyone remains with their own opinion and believes in the other position is nothing short of delirium, and the opponent is a boor. Option 2. One of the opponents is suppressed by the other with the acceptance of his position, but both still consider each other boors. There are practically no other results of the “showdown”. “Showdowns,” but not conflicts. The result of the conflict can be an increase in mutual respect and more mature relationships between people. With the right approach, people will not only not squabble, but will also be able to reveal their best sides to each other: - tolerance; - endurance; - desire to help to another; - the ability to look for a solution; - an analytical mind; - the ability to think clearly and systematically; - etc. Not so bad if we are talking about a conflict of interests, right? Fear of conflict is a sign of a stop in development. This is a signal that the person is not ready to grow. Whether he reacts like a touchy child, or simply constantly runs away from conflict, this is a sign that the person does not find enough resources in himself. It is easier for him to give a reaction like: “I understand everything, you are all boors...” Or, as an option, convince himself that he is a peace-loving person, that he is above conflicts, that there is no point in conflict at all. And why? Because conflict requires energy and effort. And the person does not want and does not strive to be tolerant. He does not consider it important to be self-possessed in communication. He has no goal of helping his opponent. He does not intend to look for a solution. On top of that, he is not very friendly with systems thinking. The question is: “what will such a person be capable of when disagreements arise?” Obviously, only to scolding, or to “self-elimination” without resolving the issue. Going beyond the conflict What is going beyond the conflict? To do this, let’s remember the essence of the word “conflict” itself. A conflict is a clash of interests, goals and views of opposing sides. If so, then going beyond it will be the search for moments that unite people and allow