I recently wrote an article about projections. This is a psychological mechanism when we unconsciously transfer our thoughts and feelings to another person. The mechanism is quite natural, but why does it need to be monitored at all and how does it work in relationships? In general, there are no or almost no relationships without projections. When we fall in love, we know almost nothing about our partner, we project our fantasies and attitudes onto him, often the image of an “ideal candidate for love” is projected, which is formed on the basis of parental figures, that is, “guys look for girls who look like their mothers, and girls guys who look like fathers." Then, if the outcome is good, there is an explosion of hormones, living together and a solemn wedding day. But here the question arises: “to what extent does our partner correspond to our projections?” Slowly, the ideal image begins to crack and if there is no communication skill, then collapse occurs. One morning a person asks himself the question: “Who do I live with? Who is this person who sleeps next to me?” And this question is not figurative or idle, because someone unknown really turns out to be nearby, because before you lived with a projection. This collapse can occur quickly if the projection does not converge with the carrier at all, or it can occur after a few years. Sometimes crises that psychologists identify in relationships (one year, three years, and so on) are associated with this mechanism. Some couples get through such crises and get to know each other for real. And someone goes to a new stage, finding their projections in a new partner. All this may sound sad, but not everything is so predetermined. Yes, we start relationships on a mixture of projections and hormones, but this does not take away our ability to understand ourselves and our curiosity about the world around us. The first thing that can help us when working with projections is simply the desire to get to know another. But not by thinking for him, but by asking good old questions and listening carefully to the answer. Try to track the moments when you attributed thoughts and feelings to another that in the end he did not have. This is not a rare moment when we ask our loved ones: “Why are you offended, upset, angry?”, but there is no trace of such a thing. Well, good old I-message. Try saying not “you made me angry,” but “I’m angry.” Not “Why are you offended?”, but “I think you look upset.” Shift the focus from another person to yourself. Subscribe to my channel in TG - https://t.me/Katabasis_PSY To sign up for a consultation, you can go here - https://t.me/AntonSV89