In what cases will attempts to save a marriage be destructive? When we first enter into a relationship, it seems to us that our partner is literally ideal. Even his shortcomings cause us attacks of emotion and tenderness. But...after some time the situation changes. We increasingly begin to look at our loved one without rose-colored glasses, as objectively as possible. What we see can upset and disappoint us. However, this does not mean that the time has come to separate. In what cases is divorce the right decision? Saving the marriage for the sake of the children If you are increasingly coming to the conclusion that you are staying with your partner solely for the sake of the children, it is worth thinking about the advisability of this union. Do you think that by being a full-fledged family you are doing good for your child? Not at all. Dissatisfaction and other suppressed emotions associated with the fact that you live with an unloved person will be read on an intuitive level by the child. That is, he can see a picture of a completely happy family, but feel extremely uncomfortable. Sooner or later, conflicts will begin in the couple, of which the child will become an involuntary witness. And this atmosphere of total tension will negatively affect the developing psyche of the child."My parents began to quarrel seriously when I was 9. But they decided to keep the family together for my sake. Am I grateful to them for this? Not a bit. I was so worried, I was afraid that they They’re about to get divorced, that I couldn’t sleep peacefully. Now I understand that it would be much better if they separated peacefully, and didn’t torture themselves and me,” says Milena. Avoidant partner It’s worth saying that this type of people is extremely difficult for a serious relationship. Why does a person’s attachment become avoidant? Most often, the cause is a traumatic experience when a person was abandoned, betrayed, or disappointed. This left serious marks on his psyche, which is why he began to avoid intimacy. To be married to such a person means to permanently feel his deficiency. You may start blaming yourself for everything, but the root of the problem is much deeper. It is often unwise to continue such relationships, because both partners are suffering. In these cases, you should seriously think about whether it is worth saving the marriage. Be that as it may, the decision is yours. Sincerely, your psychologist, coach, logotherapist, specialist in self-development and self-esteem, Natalya Akhmedova