Many parents bring their child to a psychologist and want this psychologist to do something with him and are surprised that their style of behavior can provoke defiant behavior in children: Let's look at some styles of behavior : A controlling parent in everything. A peacemaker parent for whom the most important thing is to maintain peace and harmony in the family. An anxious parent who doubts the correctness of his actions. Every parent makes these mistakes sometimes, but if you constantly react to your children this way, you end up encouraging your child to disobey instead of stopping it. Let's look at a few of these situations. Irreconcilable, controlling parents demand unquestioning obedience from their children, even in small things. They not only tell children what to do, but also detail how to do it. They try to transfer their own experience to their children so that they do not make mistakes and do not suffer from them as the parents themselves did in childhood. When children demand to justify an order, such parents often answer: “Because I said so.” I will give one family as an example of such control. The mother of three children was extremely angry with her eldest son, who, as she believed, began to show disobedience. The mother’s character was very difficult, and she forced her son to rebel. The child was asked to vacuum the room. To complete this task, he took a mini handheld vacuum cleaner. When the boy went to his room, his mother scolded him: she wanted the cleaning to be done with a large vacuum cleaner. Her dissatisfaction was caused by the way the child decided to do the job. She felt that the vacuum cleaner her son had chosen was too small to clean the room and that it would double the time needed to complete the task. But what really matters here is whether the room is cleaned, not how long it will take to do so. For normal development, children need to learn about the world around them at their own pace. They need to choose their own methods of performing work and solving problems. And most importantly, children need to learn from their own mistakes, and not from the mistakes of their elders. Parent-peacemaker. Such parents are not able to cope with negative situations. They are timid and easily give up their positions. Difficult children exhaust them, anger causes severe stress in such parents. They think that if there is no harmony in the house, then it is terrible. Therefore, they literally go to any lengths to appease their children and maintain calm. There are many examples. Children very quickly begin to understand which “buttons” they can press to get what they want. Anxious and doubtful parent. I will give one example, although I often meet such parents. A mother came to me with two sons and in the few minutes we were settling down, she gave them a lot of instructions about what to do in my office and how to behave. During the conversation, it turns out that she seeks strict obedience because she is very afraid that they may become drug addicts. The children played calmly at the sand table. Mom is so afraid that they will become something “different” that she gives no rest to herself or the children. As a result, quarrels happen very often. Some children simply do not know how to behave in a given situation. The task of adults is to talk to the child and offer different options for behavior in a given situation. Next we will consider other factors that can cause a riot on a ship..