Often, during a divorce or disagreement, parents have conflicts related to who is raising the child more correctly. Thus, mothers often believe that dads do not care enough about the child or go the wrong way, giving bad advice. Dads, on the contrary, are sure that only their path is correct and mom does a lot of things wrong. And the child finds himself, as it were, between two fires: if he listens to mom and does as she said, then he feels guilty before dad. If it’s the other way around, we get the opposite picture. And in the end, the baby is to blame all around, while the adults are involved in a shootout from the warring trenches. And everything would be fine: when he grows up, he will understand everything (as they often say: “when you grow up, you will understand”), but it only seems so. Or it’s easier to think this way, so as not to think about your actions. Because when a child grows up, he is faced with a situation where he remains loyal to his already adult father and mother, and, instead of choosing his own path, rushes between their proposals in search of the one who is right. Guilt dictates him to adhere to the decisions of the other side who spent more time with him, or seems to him to be the victim, even despite the fact that the solutions proposed on her behalf may be obviously failures, or disgusts the former child himself, causing disgust and discontent in him, driving him into depression. Quit This relationship is very difficult for a child (later an adult). This requires a lot of effort, time, work of comprehension and courage, based on support, which, often, he simply does not have. And, it seems, we can say: we are not to blame. We said: “do as you know,” but he still chose to do as I (or he/she) said. How can I answer this? So many. For example, what if the child technically had permission, what were the reactions to his choice? Did any anger or resentment appear in response to the fact that the child acted according to the behests of the other side? Did he receive any condemnation? Have you heard the phrase “I told you so...” in response; “I should have been listened to”; “What else would you like if you listen to him/her”? Did he receive enough love and support from the person he lives with? Doesn’t he hear every day about how bad the other parent is, because he/she acted so badly towards the child and to the one with whom he was left? There are a lot of options when parents deprive the child of support in case of an unwanted choice. And a child who, no matter how hard his parents try to soften the “blow” of divorce (precisely in this formulation, when divorce is primarily a trauma for the parents themselves), feels that he is rejected by one or both of them at once, will cling to this support . He will do everything that is required of him, and even more - maintaining loyalty for many years, after he has left his parents' nest. As sad as it is, such a banal phrase: “a child needs and is important both parents”, today The day not only has not lost its relevance, but remains significant and important to remember in so many families: both, at first glance, harmonious, and those where the situation is precarious or the parents are divorced. Respect and trust in the other parent remains a very significant component of the process of harmonious raising a child.