An article about a life in which there are too few opportunities to be who you want, do what you want, and live the life you dream of. About how we cannot do something due to our “deficient” childhood (lack of parental care, love, attention, etc.) that others can easily do, about family scenarios that unconsciously influence each of us. Some call it fate, others karma or fate. But whatever you call it, you can hear doom, impossibility and powerlessness in all this. Sometimes you look at the achievements of your colleagues and don’t understand why you can’t do it like they do. Why do they have to spend so much effort on something they do naturally and easily? Where do they get so much confidence, love of life, optimism and self-acceptance? They were taught this in childhood, but we were not. They grew up with parents who did not try to remake and correct them, who helped them grow up with interest, love and tenderness. Of course, they also had disappointments and sorrows in childhood, but they have experience of living through difficult feelings with support and acceptance. An experience that still helps them live. They were taught to listen to their feelings and desires, take care of themselves, support and love themselves. Why didn’t our parents give us all this? Why weren’t we taught all this? B. Hellinger, psychologist and author of the method of systemic family constellations, says that that our parents cannot give us more than they received from their parents. They cannot give us more love, attention, care, support, etc. On the one hand, this statement of his allows us to accept our parents as they are, and gives a certain humility and reassurance. On the other hand, it makes you feel anger, despair, helplessness and a certain doom. They say that parents are not chosen. And how I would like to choose them. So that they are caring, careful, attentive, protective and happy. I really wanted understanding, love, warmth, prosperity, goodwill and respect for the feelings and desires of others to reign in the family. Everyone wants such a family, and our parents wanted it when they were children, and so did we, both in childhood and now, having created our own family. It turns out that someone lives at 100% of their capabilities, or even at 90%, while others live 30% or less. And the remaining 70% of their energy is spent on searching for themselves, their goals, on conflicts, on building relationships, on reproducing past traumatic events, on the search for love, etc.: on everything that drains so much vital energy and resources. Everything that we did not learn as children and that we did not receive from our parents. All this takes a lot of strength and energy, leaving only small crumbs for realizing oneself and one’s capabilities, which are most often not enough to achieve what you want. Very often you can hear: “he or she, like a child, does not know how to do this or that at all.” Yes, it is true, many of us, having grown up, remain children, poorly and desperately unable to cope with building our own lives. Is there really no way to break out of this doom and trap? There is a way. Each of us has the opportunity to become the parent our inner child never had. A parent who will notice him, hear him, love and support him, calm him down and persuade him, appreciate him and admire him, and, of course, satisfy his needs and desires. This is the only way we can fill that internal “scarcity” and emptiness, giving ourselves the opportunity to break out of restrictions and family scenarios, realizing what was previously an unattainable dream.