In the previous article, I described a situation in which my dad made a number of mistakes. Link to article What mistakes did dad make? What could have been done? My readers correctly noted that: - the situation involves children of different ages and genders and it is difficult to organize a joint game; - children need different toys or puzzles of different levels of complexity; - dad is in vain scolding his son, who is not to blame for anything , after all, he was simply defending the fragment of the picture that he managed to assemble. What other mistakes did dad make in this situation? While supporting and praising his daughter, dad is telling a lie, and the daughter feels it, because at five years old Lisa will not be able to assemble such a complex picture, like her brother, who is already nine, and she assembles it slowly, connecting the puzzles intuitively, which is why it turns out poorly. She sees this and gets angry. Dad should tell her that the task is difficult for her eldest son, and she can only be an assistant if she wants. Failure is not a disaster, of course, it reduces self-esteem and causes negative emotions, but it is not as terrible as its incorrect interpretation or the desire to avoid it. Dad collects puzzles instead of his daughter, although he pretends to help her and this is wrong - this is where the common mistake of many parents lies: “I’ll do it for you, but I’ll say that you did it!” Parents collect blocks instead of children, teach homework, then write diplomas, then fill out work reports, and so on. How do children perceive this? At this moment, an attitude is formed in the mind: “When something doesn’t work out for me, let someone else do it for me, and I will appropriate the results of his work and pass it off as my own!” or “I won’t do anything at all, because I’ll do something bad. Let someone else do it for me.” The situation we are considering is difficult, the eldest son, having completed the task, expected praise, however, dad gave him another lesson: “you must be good for those who cannot cope, do not resist if your the work was destroyed, otherwise you will get hit, sit quietly...” What will the child do next time? Maybe he will give up activities altogether, or maybe he will collect puzzles alone. Will he want to share his success with his dad? I don’t know... As a result, the situation, which was successful for the eldest son, turned into trouble: the boy put together the puzzles, but instead of praise he received reproach from his dad, and completely unfairly. The daughter, instead of experiencing failure, received deception and saw an easy way to avoid difficulties through appropriating the results of someone else’s work. And dad concluded that he was raising stupid, conflicted and ungrateful children. Who is to blame and what to do? Dad created such a situation, and it is up to him to solve it, of course, through an analysis of the actions of all its participants. In practical classes for parents, we help to do this. There are also individual consultations, where we analyze cases from the life of the client himself (Whatsapp appointment +7 924 429 6186), exercises and recommendations for parents are in my videos on You Tube. Almost every week, I I’m holding a free parenting seminar on the ZOOM platform, where you can ask me questions, the topic can be found out by subscribing to my Instagram* @gorodskoipsikholog or writing to me on WhatsApp +7 924 429 6186, I will send you a link. Wishing you a harmonious relationship with yourself and the world, dear friends! Your Elena Stankevich* Instagram belongs to the company Meta, which is recognized as an extremist organization in Russia.