Why do some women love their men, consider them the best, inspire them, give them warmth and attention, trust their decisions, and follow them? Why do others shout, put pressure on men and threaten divorces? We are often accustomed to blaming our ladies, saying that they have cockroaches in their heads, have too many emotions, and are constantly dissatisfied with something. Some people say this with a grin, others with anger, but women are still to blame. But this is, of course, a misconception. There is not just one culprit. Men also have a lot of problems, including wrong beliefs that lead to divorce. Here are the two main ones that prevent you from living happily: 1. Love exists on its own, and if it’s gone, that’s the end. A popular idea is that love is a long-lasting bright emotion, and either it exists, and then a man will move mountains for a woman. Either he’s gone, then I don’t care what happens next, the feelings have cooled down. It turns out that you don’t have to work for love! It happens on its own! Wonderful, isn't it? But utopian. This does not happen and will never happen. What people understand by love is just a hormonal explosion created by “wonderful” nature for a man and a woman to have sex and conceive a child. Well, then they’ll cope. But this is a mistake. Love is not hormones. Love is a lot of work. Here is what the mastodon of psychology and philosophy Erich Fromm says about this: Love for someone is not just a strong feeling, it is determination, it is a reasonable choice, it is a promise. Love is not a sentimental feeling or an emotion. Love is sensitive attention and deep care for another. I 100% agree with this idea. Waiting for feelings and only then acting is too infantile. What if the feeling doesn’t come? That's it, do we need to say goodbye? First comes action, attention and care, and then in response to this comes feelings and inspiration, admiration from the spouse. Not the other way around.2. You need to force your wife to do what you want. A gross misconception that quickly leads to divorce. For example, demand that your spouse not become hysterical. Don't be funny. Don't go out with friends. Be an obedient wife. Agree with everything you say. But this is slavery, not family. A man cannot consider himself a leader if he only prohibits. Imagine if the state only prohibited and did not help? Would you be happy with such a government? The leader’s task is not only to prohibit, but also to support and create conditions for life and growth. And not to hide it in a rag. And here our classic again writes a good thought. If a person experiences love on the principle of possession, this means that he strives to deprive the object of his “love” of freedom and keep him under control. Such love does not give life, but suppresses, destroys, strangles, kills it... Erich Fromm. It is impossible to force a woman to consider you a good person and a wonderful husband if you suppress her other emotions and desires. By demanding not to express sadness or anger, you shut up and joy. By forbidding seeing old friends out of jealousy that she will see other men, you deprive a woman of the opportunity to compare you, her spouse, with other men. See that you are better, smarter, more attractive. Yes, you can lose the comparison. Here you need to try and work on yourself. Or you can win the comparison. And then the admiration for you will intensify. Pavel Domrachev