From the author: I continue the publication of the book “How to save a family or when is it better to get a divorce” If there is no mutual understanding between spouses Because one of the reasons for adultery occupies an important place lack of mutual understanding, let's talk about it. Remember, at the beginning of the book, I cited the husband’s lack of interest in family life as an example of family destroyers? What is behind this and what to do about it? Veronica Probably a common question, but still. My husband and I have different interests: he likes to drink beer with friends on weekends. For me - cinema, museums, exhibitions, new experiences. It is very difficult to move it from its place; it takes a lot of effort. He is a conservative person, often watches the same films and rereads books. What would you advise – not to touch the person or still try to convince him to develop? Or is everything useless? When a woman believes that her interests are progressive, and her husband’s are primitive, this is projected onto both the style of communication and the attitude towards her spouse. Here it is important to avoid condescension or, even more importantly, arrogance, even hidden. To begin with, ask yourself why he needs this - to “budge” and “develop”? Perhaps your attempts to change him are unsuccessful because he does not see the point in it for himself. After all, he is “happy with everything and you need all these changes, well, that’s your whim!” Changes in a person’s behavior occur only when his life values ​​and priorities change. Figure out what is important to him in this life. For example, conservative people value stability, predictability, and everything new causes distrust and even fear in them. Having lost his usual way of life, your husband may feel discomfort and uncertainty, and this will cause irritation towards you. Try to change his habits gradually, without drastic changes. For example, you need to “pull” him into the cinema. You can stimulate this by the prospect of “drinking beer” with him in the cinema lobby or by choosing a film that is familiar to him or discussed by his friends. Gradually he will “get the taste” and, perhaps, he will be interested in going with you not only to the cinema, but also to other places. The principle of this strategy: in the “new”, the “old”, proven one must be built in for it. And do not forget to positively reinforce his steps “towards development” with gratitude and tenderness... Sergey P. I am 22 years old, 3 months ago I married a fellow student, but I am already beginning to doubt that I did the right thing! My wife, who used to always be smart and neat, is just a doll! – after the wedding, she somehow unexpectedly changed, and not for the better. She stopped watching her figure, wears ugly pants and a torn sweater at home, doesn’t wear makeup, and has greasy hair. To every attempt I make to reason with her, she reacts like a hysteric, making scandals, shouting that she has the right to do whatever she wants at home. How can we convey to her that we men “love with our eyes”, that it is important for us to see our wife beautiful not only in public, but also at home? Yes, often a girl who got married thinks that “the job is done” and now you can relax. A man from an object of conquest on the “love front” moves to the “rear” as a conquered captive... What should a man do who is not satisfied with this role? You can, of course, be a partisan, organizing minor sabotage, you can go on strike or open a “second front”, adding urgency to relations. Or you can carry out explanatory work, and using examples of her familiar or well-known plots from literature and cinema, show that ignoring the interests of “your”, “home” man can lead to rebellion or escape in order to become “free”, “wild” again. At the same time, a man should think about whether he has done everything to be interesting to his wife. Maybe he also relaxed and stopped making her want to be attractive and seductive for him? Tamara My husband, in general, is a non-drinker, during holiday feasts he manages to “get drunk” and then behaves quite defiantly,/